Hector’s always had a bit of a problem swallowing one particular myth about our Premier — that he’s a master of spin, a political and media-savvy manipulator who is quite simply brilliant at conveying his message to the masses.

But our modern-day Merlin of the media definitely has at least one fan completely spellbound — himself. Hector hears the Island’s hacks were taken aback when our beaming leader marched into the Cabinet Room and began offering profuse thanks for their attendance.

“From the results of the last conference, I believe the method where the public can receive timed updates works,” P purred. “I appreciate your attendance once again. I am so pleased that, within a short period of time, we can again share information with you on the workings of Government and the issues of the day.”

Buttery words from a man obviously intent on softening up Bermuda’s hard-boiled scribes, but truthful? Hector suspects not. Your columnist recalls the results of last month’s Premier Press Conference, in which P trumpeted his party’s deft handling of the cruise ship casino saga before spouting off about Government’s fiscal brilliance.

“Cheap and utter nonsense” screamed The Gazette’s <$>front page headline the following day, while the Mid-Ocean News weighed in with “Overtaxing people is nothing for Government to crow about”. Obviously not the positive coverage P had anticipated.

Last week’s results were not much better. P’s enthusiastic spiel on Government’s timely deliverance of the Sustainable Development Plan made a few back-page column inches in The Gazette<$>, but nothing at all in the other print media.

Never mind Alex, just keep on shouting the message louder and longer, and eventually someone will believe you — surely?Still with last week’s press conference, Hector got his print-stained paws on a copy of P’s full statement to the press — and was shocked by some of the language.

No, our leader wasn’t firing off another missive to Tony Brannon, in fact the colour of his speech was more red than blue.

Ploughing through the verbiage your scout kept on stumbling over statements such as: “The Ministry for National Drug Control has established the National Steering Committee for Drugs. This Technical Advisory Group is an oversight body responsible for the development of the strategies for curtailing drug supply and demand — the development of the National Drug Master Plan. The committee is also responsible for the regular review, tracking and feedback of the implementation programmes as presented by the National Drug Control Secretariat.”

Phew! Never mind cozying up to Cuba — it seems P and his pals in the Politburo are more intent on recreating Stalinist Moscow on our sunny shores. Hector suggests the speechwriter be instantly dispatched to the furthest gulag.Hector has always been an admirer of the Bank of Bermuda’s philanthropic efforts through its Foundation — a wing of the company that has helped hundreds over the years, from outstanding students to struggling charities.

However, in recent weeks bank bosses have chosen three particular projects that are bound to earn them points with one just one particular entity — Government.

Last month the bank confirmed that it was teaming up with the Ministry of Finance to help out ‘back of town’ businesses in a bid to invigorate the area. Then, last week bank chief Phil Butterfield was pictured handing over 400 computers to Telecommunications Minister Michael Scott.

And the good work didn’t stop there. On Friday Big Phil made the front page again — this time pressing the flesh with Housing Minister David Burch as the bank handed over a staggering $2.5 million to help Government build apartments for seniors.

All three projects are, Hector’s sure you’ll agree, worthy causes that will benefit the whole community. But why the sudden eagerness to come to the financial aid of our Government?

Nothing to do with a certain submission to build a seven-storey carbuncle smack in the middle of Front Street perhaps? A submission made by the bank and which will not go ahead unless it gets approval from Government.A couple who tied the knot on a radio station blind date have had details of their Bermuda “honeymoon romps” splashed all over a British tabloid newspaper.

Craig and Becky Cooper seem to be on the same wavelength, after revealing how they enjoyed lots of “naked kissing and cuddling” in the wake of their whistlestop wedding despite only meeting a week before the honeymoon.

But the pair who met over the airwaves may need to fine tune their relationship in future months; the wedding of the first couple brought together by the radio station lasted just three months.Since the national cricket team was bowled $11 million from the Government, Hector has been wondering what crumbs the other sports on the Island might be getting to help them improve prowess. So it is heartening that, instead of sitting at home eating chips while waiting for Government’s largesse some of our sporting paupers have employed a bit of ingenuity.

Enterprising road runners and joggers have been making unofficial use of the prototype speed monitor sign outside the Whitney Institute on Middle Road to flash up their pace as they go past.

Hector is waiting to hear from the first athlete able to top 35 clicks an hour and make the monitor flash a “too fast” warning.