Hector is back after a long Christmas lay off but 2006 still sees the politicians’ appetite for nonsense continue unabated. Hector’s absolute favourite was Michael Dunkley’<$>s call for Bermuda’s prisoners to be sent overseas. Although nothing new — Wayne Perinchief<$> suggested something similar while still a backbencher — Mr. Dunkley has gone one step further and suggest Bermuda actually build a prison overseas because Westgate is too soft. So rather than rectify conditions at the prison — built for $45-plus million around a decade ago by his UBP colleagues — Bermuda’s top milkman suggests starting again elsewhere. Erm, a number of practical problems here Michael.

Forgetting that Bermuda is now a signatory to an act which allows prisoners to be sent home to be nearer loved ones wanting to exercise their visiting rights, there are some other things you might want to consider. NIMBYism is hardly a Bermuda-only phenomena so where in the world will you find a politician facing an electorate with the campaign promise to import more unemployed foreigners into the neighbourhood? Can you imagine how that would go down on the doorstep. “You know what this area needs? More rapists and murderers. Not local boys, no, Bermudians. Heard they are getting into a whole gang thing up there. Wouldn’t want to miss out. Can I count on your support?”Hector’s spies have revealed some possible friction in the Planning Department, brought to light by the farewell do for Director of Planning — and generally well-known nice guy — Rudolph Hollis<$> who left the Department just before Christmas. When Permanent Secretary of the Environment Wayne Carey found out that the entire department planned to leave work for the long lunch he sent an angry e-mail to Mr. Hollis, complaining it was generally not the way to run a Government Department. In response, Mr. Hollis forwarded Mr. Carey’s e-mail to everyone in the department which could have been another reason for the high turnout for the lunch, which left only one planner and a temporary staff-member to run things until well after 2.30 p.m. Final score? Scrooge 0 Christmas spirit 1.

Every Christmas season also comes with its slew of mandatory Christmas raffles and giveaways — the winners of which get notified in a newspaper advert. The woman in charge of Bermuda’s purse-strings, Chairwoman of the Bermuda Monitory Authority Cheryl Ann Lister <$>won the “ultimate” holiday prize of a $12,000 gift certificate from a local jewellers. At the opposite end of the scale was the poor unfortunate who won a toilet seat from Masters.It’s been all change among the top brass of Bermuda’s Police service with top cop Jonathan Smith<$> handing over to tough but sensitive George Jackson. The ructions have seen Narco Larry Smith break protocol and put in a more than a few parting slaps for his former boss. However it seems the new regime is made of sterner stuff with Larry Smith now relegated to administrative duties in his final weeks in the force. Also on the way out is a Deputy Commissioner’s cap which turned up on e-bay this week. Now inexplicably located in Ontario, the obsolete peaked headgear, priced at $60, had attracted no bids after three days on the on-line auction site. Hector is expecting a last-minute bid from Sun editor Tony McWilliam<$> who famously took a shine to the Commissioner’s hat at a Governor’s party and temporarily acquired it before being made to return the item.Hector wonders how long it will take the screaming youths seen every 4 p.m. waiting for buses to destroy the dozen plasma televisions installed at each stop in the new terminal. But perhaps forward-thinking Dr. Brown — who has after all practised medicine in the notorious Blood and Crips territory of Los Angeles — has installed bulletproof glass on each expensive-looking TV to deflect protractors and other sharpened missiles? Or perhaps things have improved since Hector was in high school, which let’s face it was a long time ago. In addition, Hector hates to break it to the family of Sparky Lightbourne<$>, but Hector understands top-brass at the Ministry of Tourism and Transport were still debating what to call the terminal before the announcement of its name was made public.