Christmas season (or Holiday Season as it is now referred to in other countries in order to remain politically correct) can be very stressful for the very people that help to create and experience it, moms, dads, teachers, grandparents, those with small budgets, those with limited mobility, those with little or no family and even children, who are perhaps only reflecting the excitement of those around them. Why should it be so? After all, don't we buy gifts, celebrate and have family get-togethers during other festive occasions at other times of the year?

Every so often, taking time to reflect on why we do anything, may lead us intuitively into doing things differently and better than before.

Is the anxiety of Christmas caused by expectations that are set unrealistically high, but that we know cannot be met? Or is it subliminally induced by the media who know only too well what pushes our buttons. Yet how often do we push ourselves anyway, to have the perfect house, the perfect party, the perfect gift, the perfect clothes? Now, we even have Martha Stewart to instruct us in how to achieve this perfection, and gently admonish us to try again if we are gauche enough to fail.

Or is Christmas about recreating those happy times long past? For those fortunate amongst us whose Christmas memories are so vividly satisfying, who can ever forget the First Christmas (of the age of reason) where it hit us like lightening that all those presents were exclusively for us. Wonder of wonders ? to open and open, then finally to hit the deflation of no more?

As children, the adult undercurrents of frustration or embarrassment at not being able to provide more on these special days were never noticed. Yet, we as adults often strive to measure ourselves on this special holiday by how well we do take care of our family, and friends.

One memory in our family still stands out from years ago. We had spent more than we felt we should on a fairly small stereo unit for our small son.

He was happy with this gift until his friend (the son of a wealthy businessman) pointed out that his father gave him a stereo, too, but it was 12 feet long, an entire wall unit. Doubtless, it cost ten times as much. I felt real frustration over that incident for a long time ? the fact that we could not spend that kind of money so that our child could achieve parity (or so we thought). We allowed ourselves to forget the real reason for giving: to show love, caring, thoughtfulness, and thanksgiving.

Is it about living a legacy? Not everyone experienced wonderful traditions as children. Thus, each holiday becomes doubly important, in order to replace old memories with new positive feelings of gratefulness and love for future generations.

Can we make ourselves slow down enough to cherish the moment? Can we pace our activities to savour time with family, particularly with small children? They, with their angelic innocence, still do not have preconceived notions of what a holiday should be, how much it should cost, or even why we have one. They just know to experience ... all of it.

For this holiday, set yourself a few small attainable goals:

Keep spending within your Christmas budget, you will feel considerably happier in January by not having to face large bills.

Drink in moderation, taste everything in small amounts and you'll still be the same person (in size and spirit) you were before all the holiday goodies were around.

Give yourself a few hours in a couple of evenings or a weekend to just call, write friends, family, or to simply give thanks for being alive for one more glorious year.

Read a really good book.

Make a few of your gifts by getting children to help; it could be making cookies from scratch; creating picture collages from scraps of material and Elmer's glue; carving and food colouring white soap into holiday shapes; cutting favourite flowering plants and repotting them in little tubs with holiday bows; fill small cardboard boxes with canned goods, and inexpensive candles for elderly relatives or church donations. No children in immediate vicinity? Invite nieces, nephew, neighbours, friends to participate in these value and soul-building projects.

Do not allow anyone to define who you are by how much you spend (or don't) this season, or let anyone ruin your good feelings of self-esteem. We all give the best we can in various ways at various levels. What really counts is that your gift comes from the heart.

At the end of the day, though, holidays are for children; their pure delight and unfettered enthusiasm is infectious and loveable. These little ones are our future; they learn by doing, by seeing and by being cared for. They have hope and wonder in great abundance, and unfailing conviction that their world will continue to bring great joy to everyone they touch.

Help them (and yourself) keep that marvellous feeling by being true to yourself and letting your inherent goodness shine during this most celebrated time of year. Merry Christmas.