One of my favourite writers is Anne Morrow Lindbergh.

She was the wife of Charles Lindbergh, the first person to fly solo across the Atlantic.

Her books are full of understanding of herself, her life and her way of living that was definitely mindful.

One of her quotes from my favourite book of all time, `A Gift from the Sea', has the essence of living in this manner.

She says: "It is true, I think, that understanding is the only thing that frees one."

Today my thoughts have turned to Canadian Thanksgiving - which was celebrated this week - and how understanding ourselves deeply can change our lives.

I grew up in England, where the only two big national holidays of the year that we celebrated were Christmas and Easter.

Food was a big part of these celebrations, a roasted turkey at Christmas and a roasted chicken at Easter.

A turkey or a chicken was a very special treat in the 1950's, however that was long before the days of mass-producing poultry farms with their indoor overcrowded cages and today's impersonal supermarkets full of tasteless rubber thighs and breasts plastic wrapped on Styrofoam trays.

When I immigrated to Canada in the mid 1960's I was introduced to this brand new holiday of Canadian Thanksgiving.

It never really seemed to be as important an event as the American Thanksgiving that is celebrated in November, however, before we had our own family we would celebrate it by eating overindulgent meals with our Canadian friends.

We usually sat down to a large meal of turkey and trimmings and a strange dessert, pumpkin pie.

Where I come from in England pumpkins are still considered a vegetable, not something you made into a sweet pudding.

However, Canadian Thanksgiving for my husband and myself was more about it being the last long holiday weekend of the year before those dreaded seemingly endless winters in Toronto.

I can honestly say that I have never really thought of it as a special event.

That is why I surprised myself this last weekend by answering the phone in Bermuda with the words: "Good-day and a happy Canadian Thanksgiving."

In Zen practice, stopping and looking deeply at things are its very essence.

So I stopped and looked deeply at what I was doing and saying.

I was surprised that the first feeling that came up was one of guilt.

For many years John and I had used this last long weekend of the year as an escape from our overly busy lives to spend some time alone together away from business and our beautiful family.

We would often come to Bermuda for a few days of rest and relaxation and to enjoy its wonderful weather in October.

Our children were left with either trusted friends or great babysitters who came to our home to take care of them.

They often complained that they had a Thanksgiving turkey that was either burnt or overcooked, undercooked or even (on one occasion) partly frozen in the middle or that their special meal had been at the strangest hours and that it never really seemed like Thanksgiving to them.

We explained to them that our cultural heritage had never included a Thanksgiving and that it meant nothing to us.

But when I stopped and looked deeply, I think I knew why guilt had arisen.

I knew in my heart that my Canadian children had wanted to be true Canadians and to celebrate Thanksgiving with their parents like all of the other children on the block, instead of us choosing it as vacation time away from them.

I know also that I made a great deal of other celebrations during the year.

Their birthdays had always been very much their special days, Christmas was huge in our family and they certainly didn't lack for too much else in their lives the rest of the year, however at that time I didn't fully understand their need to celebrate with us Canadian Thanksgiving.

And that is what love is all about, understanding.

So by stopping and looking deeply I now understand my family better and also myself!

We are all products of nature and/or nurture, culture and/or the times in which we have lived, and although we cannot change the past, when we look deeply at it in the present moment, we can change the future.

As Anne Morrow Lindbergh also said in one of her books: "The final answer, I know, is always on the inside."

Mindful living allows us to understand ourselves and be free.

@EDITRULE:

The Mindfulness Practice Community of Bermuda meets every Sunday evening to support one another in the Zen practice of living in the present moment. ALL are welcome to join us any Sunday.

This weekend we invite friends and friends-to-be to join us in our monthly walk `In peace, for peace' in Astwood Park from 5.14 to 6.44 pm. Please contact us by email at iamhomeibl.bm or call (236-4988.

You may also visit www.plumvillage.org for more information on these Zen teachings.