Lisa Blackburn has an itch she simply can't scratch.

Having retired twice from swimming, the 31-year-old is performing better than ever before, recently secured two silver medals at the Pan American Games and has her sights set firmly on the Olympic Games.

The only disappointing thing, perhaps, is that if she achieves her dream in Athens next year she will be draped in the flag of Canada and not of her homeland Bermuda.

Blackburn was born here but left along with her family for Canada in the 70s.

It was felt that academic and sporting opportunities were greater on the other side of the Atlantic for both her and her sister. And so it proved with Blackburn, now living in Ottawa, excelling in the pool and quickly getting noticed by coaches of the national team.

Despite swimming at a junior meet for her adopted home though it was her desire to represent Bermuda.

So with the 1998 Commonwealth Games around the corner she applied to the Bermuda Amateur Swimming Association.

"I grew up swimming in Canada and followed the system and programme there," she said while on a visit to Bermuda this week. "I always came back (to Bermuda) in the summer to visit my dad (Ian, now back on the Island) for three weeks and whenever I was here I always competed in the Bermuda Swimming Championships.

"I managed to set a few records while I was here, every odd summer or so. Bermuda were somewhat interested and we started to get the paperwork going in 1997 or 1998 before the Commonwealths.

"But I was turned down by Bermuda swimming based on the fact that I wasn't living in Bermuda and I had already represented Canada internationally. There was some rule that they quoted saying this is the reason why you cannot swim for us."

Blackburn said she did not really understand their reasoning, but had to respect it.

"It was disappointing because I have always considered Bermuda my home. I was born here, my mum's family are here, my dad lives here and I feel, even though my parents are not together anymore, I have a home here in Bermuda and I have a home in Canada and I don't see it any other way.

"I understand there are rules to be followed and due processes to take . . .," she said with a shrug, adding. "It's not that I have gotten over it, it's that it's in the past."

In retrospect, Blackburn, who represented Canada instead at the Commonwealths, said things worked out in her favour.

"My parents moved to Canada in the first place because they thought there would be more opportunities for my sister and I as regards education, sports everything," she said. "I think I am a very good international calibre athlete and I think that is because I am training in Canada, whereas if I was living in Bermuda I wouldn't be training at the same level and therefore competing at the same level."

Blackburn, who has been competing at the Canadian nationals since 1986, said she always felt she had the ability to perform on the world stage.

But it hasn't always been easy and there have been setbacks along the way.

"I think the most difficult part is not qualifying for teams when you know you are capable," she said. "I have missed out several times by being third or fourth when they only take top two. If you are third and you don't make the qualifying time it makes it even more heartbreaking. You are talking about hundredths of a second.

"To be swimming at a world class level and to not go to the competition is heartbreaking because you put in so much time and effort. But then I think to myself if I was competing for Bermuda I would be on the team without a problem. It wouldn't be such a hard thing to accomplish."

It is the strength of the programme in Canada that Blackburn believes spurs her on.

"One of the national coach's opinions on why I am still doing so well is because I still have that itch. I haven't really achieved what I want to achieve yet and that's what keeps me going," she said.

For a while it never looked like Blackburn would reach her goal, especially when she decided to call it a day on two separate occasions.

"I retired after 1994 and continued my University (studies) for two years and just touched water maybe once or twice," she said. "Then I got involved in coaching in Ottawa. I coached for a year and realised how much I loved it and how much fun it was so I spoke to my boss and the head coach of the club. I said 'I really enjoy coaching and I still want to coach but I also want to swim, is that possible?'. He said 'Sure go ahead, give it a try'."

That led to her qualifying for the Commonwealths but in 2000 Blackburn called time once more.

"After Olympic trials in 2000 and I had missed the team I was obviously very disappointed," she said. "The same coach offered me a position within the swim club and I thought if I take the position I am not going to be able to swim anymore so I decided to travel to Australia for six months.

"You cannot go to Australia and not swim so I got involved with the University of Sydney Swim Club and absolutely loved it. I saw that people my age with families were able to swim and compete on an international level with the top swimmers in the world. I thought 'Why can't I do this? Age shouldn't have anything to do with it'."

With that Blackburn was back in at the deep end with the result being an appearance at the Pan Am Games in the Dominican Republic in August of this year.

"I made the commitment this year to continue swimming and to train full time and I was able to do that because there was some funding available from the Government," she said. "I trained hard all year, better than I ever have in my life, went to a couple of training camps with Waterloo Swim Club and put in some really good sets, lifted some weights and just did the right things, ate well and rested well. They were big components and factors that I have missed in the past because I have had to work several jobs in order to pay rent and pay for training camps."

Blackburn was entered into the 100m and 200m breaststroke in Santo Domingo.

"My goal going into the meet was to medal. The 100 has always been my strongest event and that was the event I qualified for the Pan Am Games in," she said. "But the 200 breaststroke was the first event at the games and I went up to the coach I was working with, Claude St.-Jean, before the race and said 'What do you think?' and he said 'In my opinion you have two choices. Either you do it or you don't'. That was all he said. I walked away and thought he's right, you either do it or you don't.

"I went out there without any pressure, because it was obviously the weaker of my two events, and I actually surprised myself a little bit."

That surprise came in the form of the silver medal. Then came her favourite event and the chance to do the double. But with it came added expectation.

"It was a little bit unexpected that I would be the top Canadian finisher and a silver medallist and I think people started to take notice a little bit," she said. "It's always the same with sport. You are unknown until you do something. Not just the coach I was working with but other coaches would come up and say 'We know what you can do and we know you have got the raw speed that a lot of people don't have so just go after it'."

Sadly the occasion appeared to get to Blackburn and, though she was third at the turn, she touched home fourth.

"I think I was bit too over excited before the race and it just wasn't there," she said, adding the outcome was deeply upsetting for her. "The 100 breast is near and dear to my heart. It's my event. I am swimming great, I did a best time by a couple of seconds in my 200, why can't I do a best time in my 100?"

After coming to terms with her performance Blackburn got back into the water to help the Canadians qualify for the 400x100 medley relay final.

"Because I was the second Canadian they swam me in the heats," she said, saying that though she was not part of the silver medal winning quartet in the final she understood the reason. "It's the head coach's decision. Both Kathleen Stoody and I swam the 100 breast and she swam the best time by half a second and I swam slower than my best time. So what's he going to do?

"I did my part in the morning but obviously I would have loved to have swum in the finals because you actually get on the podium. I still got the medal but you don't get as much recognition."

Blackburn is now focused on making the squad for Greece and knows she have to be at her best or beyond to make the grade.

"The times are very fast," she said. "I think for Canada to qualify anybody for any event you have to be top 20 in the world, maybe top 15. Right now I am 45th.

"But I am going for it for one more year based on the fact I have the chance to train properly, rest properly and can give myself the best opportunity to do it.

"I feel now, for the first time in my life, that I have the confidence to swim a good 200m breaststroke. I am competitive within Canada and I am competitive within the world and the door is open for anyone who can step it up a couple of seconds."

After Athens Blackburn is not sure about exactly what she will do but she has not ruled out trying out for the World Championships which are in Montreal in 2005.

"I am just going to see how this year goes and if I still get the financial support that is there within Canadian swimming and if I am still improving and still having fun, why not?" she said.