Hector, as you must now know, likes the odd tipple or two after a stressful day of work. After a particularly bad day this week, he made arrangements to meet a buddy at a new watering hole in town — 10. Hector was late — a move which had escaped his friend who had been kept entertained in Hector’s absence by the antics of one very determined driver. Frustrated UBP politician? Angry senior citizen? Who knows. But with a GP car taking up the greater portion of a Dundonald Street parking spot, and no others in sight, the driver decided the vehicle was fair game, manoeuvring into the tiny spot left, only through repeated bangs against the GP bumper.

Speaking of GP cars, Hector hears that Finance Minister Paula Cox <$>is still waiting to get the keys to GP2 — the Deputy Premier’s official car — four months after she was elected to the post.Apparently, Ms Cox does not have the requisite driving skills for the over-size cars the Progressive Labour Party controversially bought after its 1998 General Election victory, and GP2 is alleged to have been co-opted into the Cabinet Office’s growing fleet of cars. Meanwhile Ms Cox is ferried around by taxi, which no doubt makes her more popular with that industry than her boss is.

You never know who you’re going to be sitting next to using public transport. It wasn’t that long ago when former Premier Alex Scot> was imploring us all to get out our cars and start using buses and ferries. So how reassuring it is to see the message has not been forgotten by some of the pillars of Bermudian society. Hector spied leading lawyer Elizabeth Christopher catching up on homework with her laptop as she rode a night bus home. And the following morning, on a particularly packed commute, Hector glanced backwards to size up any troublemakers on the backseats and noticed MP and former Minister Ashfield DeVent crunched up in the corner. Three points for displaying social and environmental responsibility Mr. DeVent, but take one point off for being seen carrying a copy of the Bermuda Sun, an organ Hector notes has now taken to falsely boasting about ‘exclusives’ on stories simultaneously appearing in The Royal Gazette. What’s next? Will the Island’s radio stations start claiming The Royal Gazette stories they read word for word on their morning newscasts are exclusives? Oh, they already do.

At the risk of being deemed disrespectful, Hector is bemused by the new formalities apparently put in place for journalists dealing with our honourable Premier. Members of the media are now expected to stand up whEwart Brown enters a room and only sit down when they are given permission to do so by his ubiquitous press secretary Scott Simmons. A hack pal of Hector reports that the new procedures were evident at a press conference held in conjunction with the US Consulate in the Cabinet Office on Tuesday when a stern-sounding Mr. Simmons told media: “You may be seated,” once the President, sorry Premier, was in place behind the microphones. Hector wonders what might happen to a (non-Bermudian) journalist who didn’t rise from their seat to honour the country’s great leader. Instant deportation? And Hector would like to point out that such a protocol never existed under the UBP — remember those days when you might have a Premier who toddled about on a Mobylette rather than travel in a large limo accompanied by extra security and a pretentious entourage. Nor can he imagine the press ever being required to stand for Gee-Dub-Ya Bush. But perhaps Dr. Brown is more important. Hector would like to remind the Premier of the recently coined Government motto “At Your Service”. The question now is — is Dr. Brown serving us or are we serving him?

He’s not the only one with a high opinion of himself. One of Hector’s spies said they saw US Consul General Gregory Slayton sitting towards the back of the JetBlue flight New York last week. Evidently the seating arrangements were not to his liking. He proceeded to call someone at the Consulate and advise that they should be seated closer to the front from now on, but then went on about how in future The Consul “must” be met kerbside by someone from CBP (Customs and Border Protection) with their supervisor to escort him (and family) through the terminal. Evidently he wasn’t happy getting searched like the rest of us mere mortals. Talking of airport searches Canadian artist Larry Weston was quite pleased with his after he brought a carved bird into Bermuda. One Customs official stopped him and asked if he had a taxidermy licence “for that thing?”

It was a major compliment to the artist that someone thought it was, or rather had been, a real bird. The carved creature — a gift to Lady Vereker and the people of Bermuda — is now on display at BUEI. Mr. Weston is planning to donate at least another 12 birds and wonders if the same thing will happen every time? He hopes so...