The best thing for you to do is to try and keep a very casual attitude about the whole thing. Parents with older children are usually more casual about it with subsequent children than they were with the first.

The questions to ask yourselves, as parents, are, "Is my child really ready? Is my child at least 20 months to two years of age?'' Many children are trained when they are 2 1 years old. "Does my child stay dry for at least 22-23 hours? Is he/she dry following a sleep or a nap? When he/she urinates, is it more than a little dribble?'' If the answers to these questions are yes, then it seems that your child's bladder capacity is ready for toilet training. If not, then you would be wise to wait until your child's bladder is more mature.

Make sure that your child is not bothered by diarrhoea or constipation. If there is a problem, discuss this, and the child's diet, with your doctor or Health Visitor before trying to toilet train.

Can your child follow verbal instructions and do it? If not, he/she may not be ready to follow instructions about toilet training. Does your child follow your instructions? This has to do with whether he/she is feeling compliant or stubborn. Do not try toilet training until you first work on the stubbornness problem.

THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU START THE TRAINING 1. Get your child to connect the word with the act. Decide what words you want to use for urination and for having a bowel movement.

2. Let your child get used to seeing other people in the family use the toilet. Your child should have the chance to go into the bathroom with the parent of the same sex.

3. Buy or borrow a potty chair. The kind that is a little separate unit that stands on the floor is better than the kind that attaches to the adult's toilet. A child feels more secure with his/her feet on the ground.

4. Buy some training pants and help him/her learn to pull them up and down.

Little girls who love fancy panties may find them an extra incentive for training.

5. You can also use a doll that wets and get your child to "toilet train'' the doll.

A good way to start toilet training is when your child is well and in a good mood. It will also help you to relax if you have nothing special you need to do and if you are in a good mood yourself. Leave the diaper off. Some mothers like to use training pants in the beginning and some don't. Some mothers work on bowel training first. Others encourage bowel and bladder training at the same time. It really makes no difference.

Try to make a realistic guess as to when your child will have to go. Does your child often want to after breakfast or lunch? Then is a good time. Help him/her. Guide him/her and teach him/her to wipe themselves. Offer praise -- all children are anxious to gain parents' attention and approval.

Some children who are ready become trained within a few days, but this is more apt to be older children, 21 to three years of age, who decide that they want to be like other older children and adults. Younger children are trained very gradually over a period of weeks.

Most children have accidents after they're trained. The worst thing to do is to let your child see you get all worked up over it! You should act casually about this and keep encouraging your child to go in the potty.

When he/she does, offer praise. If he/she needs more help in understanding what to do, work more on toilet training the wetting doll.

Suggest sitting on the potty fairly often -- before an accident happens. Offer praise just for sitting on it. Be consistent with your attitude but also be casual.

While the toilet training is going on, watch your child in all aspects of his/her life. Do you notice any kind of new problems with eating, sleeping or behaviour (temper tantrums, etc.?). If so, there's a good chance that there is a connection with toilet training. Give up the training and put your child back in diapers. See if, within a week, any of these problems improve. If so, there is a connection that your child was feeling pressured. Don't bring up the subject at all for a while. Resume training within a few weeks, and do it in a more relaxed way, with more reassurance.

With patience your child will eventually be trained. Valerie Cheape Health Visitor, Department of Health.