But when Bermudian Mrs. Helle Patterson went back to the farmhouse in Estonia where she spent her early childhood, nothing had changed.

In fact, the farmhouse was in a lot worse state than she remembered.

"It was dilapidated and still did not have flushing toilets or running water,'' Mrs. Patterson said. "Not a thing had changed!'' The Northlands Secondary schoolteacher said it has been an "impossible 40-year dream'' of hers to return to Estonia, the place of her birth. She and her family were forced to flee in 1944 when the Russians were trying to take it over.

So with the collapse of Communism and the Baltic state's independence, Mrs.

Patterson wasted no time in booking her ticket "home''.

Accompanied by her sister who lives in England, she arrived in Estonia on July 6 via Finnair.

They were met by two cousins and taken to the farmhouse where her grandparents used to live. Mrs. Patterson's family had lived in a suburb of Tallinn -- the mediaeval looking capital of Estonia -- but often visited their grandparents in the countryside.

Mrs. Patterson said she showered gifts of tinned tuna and salmon, cookies, chocolate and coffee on her relatives.

But she said she could not help wishing she'd kept the goods for herself when she discovered the only food in the cupboard was cheese, bread and tinned baby eel.

"There was practically no food available and my cousins were among the poorest in the country,'' Mrs. Patterson said. "When you go to a shop you don't ask for a certain kind of fish, you say `tinned fish if you have any' - and it's usually trash fish,'' she said.

During the eight days she was there she did not encounter any fresh meat, fish or vegetables.

There were no vegetables because they were not in season. And there was no fish, Mrs. Patterson claimed, because the Russians "killed them all''.

The Russian troops still based there dump their raw sewage in the Baltic Sea, destroying all marine life, Mrs. Patterson explained.

She said the odour -- or the "Russians' fragrance'' as Estonians refer to it -- hits you from miles away.

Seeking "some good Estonian home cooking'' one night, Mrs. Patterson and her sister decided to go to one of Tallinn's posh restaurants.

But despite the interior being plush and well-dressed waiters hovering everywhere, the food was "uneatable'', Mrs. Patterson said.

She added she had a sneaking suspicion the chicken dish she was eating was anything but poultry.

"They just don't have the ingredients for gourmet food,'' she said. Although the meal cost only $4 a person, Mrs. Patterson pointed out the average wage of Estonians is little more than a paltry $20 a month.

"They are having a very hard time to make ends meet,'' Mrs. Patterson said, adding a cream cake costs 60 cents and a baby carriage, $24.

Because the Estonians mainly live on a starchy diet of potatoes, bread and eggs if available, they tend to be unhealthy, she said. "Most are very overweight and have very rotten teeth -- very few have a complete set of teeth,'' she said.

Mrs. Patterson left Estonia at the age of six. She and her family managed to get out safely, but many of her relatives perished in Siberian slave labour camps.

Legally, she could have returned anytime after 1961 when the country opened its doors to foreigners. However, she pointed out there was always the danger you would not get out.

"I never thought Estonia being independent again would happen in my lifetime,'' she said.

Mrs. Patterson said she found the country very beautiful with lots of scenic lakes and lush forests, and farmhouses dotted around the countryside.

But the poverty was disheartening, she said, adding that seeing how life is in Estonia has made her realise how fortunate she is.

There is still a lot of hatred and tension between the Russians and Estonians, Mrs. Patterson said, with a politician running for president recently threatening to get rid of all Estonians if he gets in power.

She said the country is trying to woo "anyone and everybody'' to invest in it. "While I was there a group of Iranians were at the presidential palace with the Japanese due the next day,'' she said.

Estonia has also been flying in US tourism experts to see what can be done to make Estonia a tourist attraction.

Mrs. Helle Patterson.