Although it has only made headlines in the last few years, sexual abuse is not a new phenomenon. Strangers and family members have molested and raped girls and women for centuries. In times of war, invading soldiers raped defenceless women as part of their conquest.

The effects of being sexually abused are varied. Most survivors feel violated and are often full of rage. Some experience guilt because they were not able to stop the assault from occurring. Some survivors have difficulty trusting others or develop sexual problems. Some survivors heal quickly, for others the psychological effects of the trauma last for a long time.

Males are also the victims of sexual abuse but in far lesser numbers than females. Women have sexually abused some men, but men and other boys abuse most. However, the short and long-term effects on males who have been sexually violated are generally parallel to the effects on females.

Many women who have been battered have also experienced sexual abuse at the hands of their partners. Sexual abuse is common in many marriages. Most men believe that sexual access is their contractual right after marriage, and many men in relationships who force or coerce their partners into having sex view their behaviour as normal. Many women do not define forced acts of intercourse in a marriage or long-term relationship as rape because of confusion about perceived marital or relationship obligations.

What is the intent of sexual abuse? While sexual desire is a part of the act of rape, the principal factors are violence and domination, which make the perpetrator feel powerful. He has conquered this girl or woman. Boys are socialised to believe that they should initiate or pursue sex aggressively.

Often they learn about sex by being exposed to pornography, which "objectifies'' women by presenting them as bodies, not as persons with feelings. All this results in mixed messages about what girls and women want and what boys and men are supposed to do.

Aggressive and even abusive male sexual behaviour is sometimes excused as an inherent uncontrollable biological urge. In this view men supposedly have a sexual appetite that is dictated by testosterone, so their need for sex "must'' be satisfied. This argument, however, is simply another excuse for objectification and dominance.

The language many men use reflects these common exploitative sexual attitudes to women. "Hitting'' on women, "scoring'', and "getting some'' are terms that have little to do with love, intimacy, or even acknowledging another person, and much more with sexual conquest. With this language men are reducing women to objects, to be obtained and used.

It is a rare human being who has not been affected by societal messages about sex. Human sexuality gets categorised into right and wrong, proper or dirty.

We grow up with guilt, confusion, and anxiety about sex and have few outlets to talk frankly and ask questions about our feelings and experiences. As adults, we often do not -- and cannot -- communicate about sex with our partners.

In summary, not all men who batter are sexually abusive, but there is a higher probability that they will be. We need to address this issue squarely. Men cannot assume that marriage provides a license to sexual access. Acknowledging sexual abuse in counselling or with a partner may produce shame or guilt, but, it is a part of taking full responsibility for your violence. It is a necessary step on your road toward making real changes in your life. A Challenge To Our Male Readers: As men, we can untangle the negative cultural message that all males have been exposed to about sexuality. We can speak up when media, friends, and coworkers trivialise sexual abuse through comments and jokes. We can refuse to participate in the sexual objectification of women. We can teach our sons not to use women, and to understand the importance of sexual respect in relationships. In your own current or future relationship, your sexuality can be based on mutuality and respect for each other's needs.

The Physical Abuse Centre is a part of The Family Resource Network, which consists of The Coalition for The Protection of Children, The Institute of Child & Family Health, P.A.R.E.N.T.S. and The Fathers' Resource Centre. The agencies joined in 1998 to better serve Bermuda's families with a common goal and shared vision.