007 deprived of his martinis...shaken but not stirred, of course.

Some things in life were destined to go together. And, without doubt, that includes lawyer Saul Froomkin and his cigars.

To separate them is just unthinkable. It can't happen. It won't happen. But, incredibly...just like Taylor divorcing Burton...it has! Well, at least, for now and perhaps, who knows, until the end of the year.

The reason? A bet between Bermuda's most famous puffing legal eagle and his partners at Mello, Hollis, Jones and Martin.

Mr. Froomkin was challenged: Stub out your habit for six months, and you will win $1,000, plus a box of cigars.

But lose, and you will cough up, so to speak, $2,000.

"It was a stupid bet, but I just wanted to show everybody I could do it,'' confided Mr. Froomkin yesterday.

It certainly promises to be the ex-Attorney General's toughest assignment.

So determined are the partners that he doesn't sneak a puff on the sly, they placed an eye-catching ad in yesterday's Royal Gazette , complete with a Peter Woolcock cartoon of Mr. Froomkin among curls of smoke from his trademark cigar.

Anyone spotting the whole Mr. Froomkin (i.e. with that cigar) was urged by the ad to turn snitch.

A "suitable reward'' -- thought to be about $500 -- was offered to the first tell-tale to smoke him out.

"There are spies all over Bermuda waiting to catch me out,'' Mr. Froomkin moaned.

"Even my wife and secretary are now on the look-out. Make no mistake, my wife would tell on me if she caught me smoking.'' For the last 40 years Mr. Froomkin has lit up between seven and eight cigars a day, and so, unsurprisingly, he is finding life a bit of a drag at present.

"I'm not suffering withdrawal symptoms yet, and don't believe I've had any mood swings, or that people have seen the beast in me yet.

"I must admit, however, even as we speak I would really love to have a cigar.

"The other night, too, I was at dinner, and just longed to light up after the meal.'' He stressed, however: "I can honestly say I haven't cheated. I haven't smoked at all since June 1.'' But the question remains: Can Mr. Froomkin survive such deprivation until December 31 -- or will he run out of puff? Bermuda is waiting, and watching...

*** Government has two unlikely bestsellers on its hands.

Recent ads in The Royal Gazette announced that the weighty reports of the Premier's Task Force on Employment and Commission on Competitiveness were available from Information Services.

While some Government publications are distributed free, the two reports recently tabled in the House of Assembly would cost $10 each.

Yesterday, a Government spokesman said Information Services had sold about 250 copies of each report, and requests were still coming in.

"These are hot items,'' she said. "They are in great demand.'' Businesses, organisations, and individuals had snapped up the reports.

"Bermudians want to know,'' she said.

The $10 would only cover Government's printing costs, she said.

*** The Age of Innocence might be considered dead by many, but for at least one supermarket cashier it is very much alive.

Seeking to give her a laugh at the end of a long day, a customer drew her attention to a classified advertisement in last Friday's edition of the Sun newspaper offering a "pair of crotches'' for sale at $10.

The cashier looked carefully at the ad, then said: "Anh-anh, the hospital's gonna be vexed...you're not supposed to sell them things.'' *** Qualifications are everything nowadays when someone is looking for work, hence the numbers of students who go abroad to study for degrees.

Bermudian students return from the United Kingdom, Canada and the United States better qualified to work in all areas of Bermudians life. So it is refreshing to see a job that most of our budding accountants and bankers will be able to handle with little problem -- hopefully.

Over the weekend The Royal Gazette carried an ad which asked for a person to work night in the lunch wagon. The qualification -- "Must be able to count.'' With all the Island's unemployment problems there should be a long queue for this job.

*** Another strange notice appeared on the new The Royal Gazette /Mid Ocean News auto-sun-shades -- without a doubt, the car accessory fashion item of the summer.

The shades carry the warning "Do not drive with shade in place.'' Thank goodness for that warning -- it should certainly lower the accident rate on Bermuda's winding and bumpy roads.

*** A local Policeman found communication with an American friend in Bermuda more difficult than if she was in the United States.

For the woman was on the new cruise ship Royal Majesty and the telephone number, when the ship is in St. George's, is unlisted according to directory inquiries.

The amazed officer said: "I heard my friend was on the new ship and I tried to phone to arrange to meet her and her daughter but I could not get the number.

"A friend of mine in the business eventually called the agents and they said it was so crew members could not call the ship, for some reason. I find it extraordinary.'' Indeed Directory Assistance confirmed the ship's number is unlisted while the other two ship in Hamilton earlier this week, Dreamward and Horizon , are readily available.