Dear Annie: I have a longtime problem with my mother. She grew up very poor, in a large family, and there was some abuse. I think it hardened her. Mom has always been very critical of others, clearly favoured my brother over me and favours her oldest grandson (my son).

Mom is not overly warm or communicative. We never had talks about drugs or sex, and family conflicts were not discussed. Everyone just stopped talking to each other. One time, my father did not speak to me for six months.

My parents paid for my college education and gave my husband and me a substantial amount of money for a house and land next door to them. But Mom is difficult. She became angry with us for putting in a pond. (We think she was the one who put large rocks in the pipe.) We've caught her in lies that make trouble for us. She makes nasty comments to our neighbours about us. And most recently, she has been making horrid remarks about us to our three children, which often drives a wedge between all of us.Because of this, I confronted my mother for the first time ever and told her to stop. Now she and my father are not speaking to me (it's been two months). They are the type to hold grudges. Was I wrong? Should I have continued to ignore the comments because of all they've done for me financially? — Angry Daughter

Dear Angry: You are not wrong to stand up for yourself, but you must realise that accepting land and money gives your parents the impression that they have some say over your affairs. In order to protect your family, you must be willing to let your parents stop speaking to you. Either they'll come around or they won't, but your children need to see you being strong. And stop accepting major gifts from your parents. There are too many strings attached.

Dear Annie: A few years ago, I was diagnosed with a severe progressive case of fibromyalgia. My husband retired two years ago, but I still work full time.

My husband and I had an arrangement where I would work and he would keep house, since he made me fire my maid who came in every two weeks. Recently, I have been coming home from work and finding no housework done, no dishes washed, no laundry cleaned, etc.

Annie, we are pretty well off, which is why we can afford this arrangement, but I don't have the strength or energy to come home after eight hours on my feet and clean up and go to the grocery store. My husband is breaking our deal, and I am increasingly exhausted. Am I making too much of this, or should he get back on the program? <\m> Tired, Sore, Worn Out and Still Working

Dear Tired: Well, yes, of course he should be doing more, but he won't. So tell him you are re-hiring the maid to come as often as you can afford. If he doesn't like it, he should remove his gluteus maximus from the sofa and pitch in.

Dear Annie: What is the appropriate tip for hairstylists now? My hairstylist is raising his prices again, and although I love the way he does my hair, it's getting harder and harder to keep adding 15 percent. By the way, he owns the shop and rents space to other hairdressers. He is so good I guess his other clients just keep paying no matter what he charges. <\m> A Loyal Patron of an Expensive Hairdresser in Santa Fe

Dear Santa Fe: Tell the stylist that you love the way he does your hair, but unfortunately, the price hike means you cannot afford an additional 15-20 percent tip. He may tell you that a gratuity is not necessary since he is the owner, and he may want to keep a good client. You have nothing to lose by speaking up.