Dear Annie: My husband is a private contractor working in Iraq. When he came home on leave last October, he asked me to recondition his computer. While setting up his e-mail account, I noticed mail from an adult dating service. There were multiple e-mails from dozens of women. He had listed himself as a widower. I admitted I snooped, and he went ballistic.An injury in December sent him home. While recuperating, he registered with at least three adult swinger sites. Heaven knows how many people he met while I was at work. When I received the phenomenal phone bill, I hired a private investigator, who found e-mails, multiple profiles, names and numbers.

My husband is back in Iraq now and denies everything. I’ve started counselling. I don’t know how many other wives go through this. Unlike military wives, we don’t have a big support network. No amount of money is worth this.

I curl up in a ball every night and bawl my eyes out. My husband has embarrassed me at church and made it impossible to hold my head up at the post office. I don’t know how many women he’s slept with. I am going to have to move pretty far away to get over this. Any suggestions? — Cheated OnDear Cheated On: We’re glad you’re in counselling, because you need as much support as you can get. Don’t worry about what others may think. People are more sympathetic than you suspect, and many understand that you are going through a difficult time. There is a support website for those working in Iraq and their families. Please check out americancontractorsiniraq.com>

Dear Annie: <$>I’m a recently divorced dad of two great kids. My ex and I have been able to remain friends, but something has come up that makes me wonder.In order to cut down on child-care expenses, we arranged for me to take the kids to school in the morning so my ex could go to work earlier and leave early to pick them up after school. She drops them off at my house at 6.30 a.m., and I take them to school at 8.30. She picks them up at 3.00.

I found out her new beau gets off work at 6:30 a.m. and that my ex isn’t getting into work until 9. Also, she’s enrolled the kids in an after-school program that gets out at 5.30. I work 50-plus hours a week, then attend night classes, and I’m pretty wiped out getting up so early in the morning for my kids. Plus, we’re not saving money.

I pay my ex quite a bit in child support, but I wonder if it’s just the kids I’m supporting. I don’t want to upset the balance we’ve maintained for two years, but I don’t want to feel like a heel. — Confuzzled in MassachusettsDear Confuzzled: If taking the kids in the morning is a major hardship for you, you should renegotiate the arrangement. However, we think your major objection is that your wife wasn’t honest about her reasons. We suggest you have a calm, heart-to-heart, and let her know it’s not fair for you to subsidise her social lifB>

Dear Annie: <$>I had to respond to the letter from “Stressed-Out Parents in Virginia”, whose 35-year-old daughter was addicted to drugs.As a recovering addict (seven years clean), I can say the parents are doing additional harm to their daughter by enabling her. As long as they continue to bail her out of trouble, she will never get herself together. Once my parents finally stopped “helping” me, I had to do things on my own.

I was 34 years old with two kids when I decided to clean up my act. The daughter must want to get sober for herself. And prayer really does help. I wish them well and hope she realises her life can get better before it’s too late. — A Walking TestimonyDear Walkin<$>Many readers wrote to say the same thing <\m> that these parents are not helping by caving in. Thanks for being the Voice of Experience.Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox[AT]comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.