Hector thinks the tourism catchphrase “Feel the Love” should be re-branded “Feel the Fear” after hearing from a shaken pair of British tourists who experienced the bus journey from hell this week. The seniors, here to visit a relative, were feeling relaxed after a couple of Rum Swizzles in St. George’s. However, this was soon replaced by white knuckles during what should have been a leisurely trundle on the bus back to Hamilton.

One of Bermuda’s finest drivers — steering with just one hand — made like a Formula One race car ace as he catapulted the unwieldy vehicle around the hairpin bends of South Road.

Several passengers were doubtful that he’d managed to miss a couple of cyclists — but after careful checks later of the bus roof, it appeared that he must have cleared them by inches.

However, he displayed his true race pro skills when, having overshot a turning, he executed a brilliant emergency stop, followed by an impeccable three-point turn into a junction watched by incredulous fellow motorists.

As one white-faced Canadian murmured in shock: “He’s driving like his ass is on fire!” Hector knows the Police are always keen to keep their numbers up which now work out to about 50 per parish — not that you’d notice.

But he can’t help feeling the latest radio recruitment campaign is scraping the barrel.

Among the enticements on offer is the promise of “a free uniform”.

Hector wonders what sort of recruit would be swayed by the promise of a gift of new clothes.

And is it change of policy? Were previous recruits sewing their own? It could be worse.

Hector can’t bear to think what kind of recruit would turn up if they tried to lure candidates with the offer of free handcuffs.Hector has often moaned about the vagaries of the West End ferry service but it seemed things worked in the favour of one lucky passenger who effectively got the red carpet treatment on her way to work, when the Dockyard-Hamilton commuter service re-routed — and just picked her up.

Passengers were left scratching their heads in bemusement when the boat suddenly diverted to Rockaway without warning on Wednesday morning.

There was no announcement explaining the decision. And when the ferry arrived in Southampton there were no crowds bustling to clamber on board.

The dock drawbridge lowered ... and a lone woman walked on.

The ferry then continued to Hamilton, leaving passengers at least ten minutes late for work after the diversion. Ferry staff later said the re-route happened because the commuter service to Rockaway broke down after it had picked up there.

The Dockyard service then automatically covered, ensuring the one-woman stop-off went without a hitch.Health Minister Patrice Minors is a woman of many talents.

She juggles motherhood and a busy, vital ministry with impressive aplomb — even though she sometimes tells hacks she can’t field calls because she is feeding her baby. Now Hector is happy to report that Mrs. Minors has added another string to her bow — telepathy. It seems this powerhouse of a politician has developed the amazing ability to know exactly what someone is going to say before they actually utter the words. A journalist colleague of Hector reports that during a recent telephone call to the Minister she wasn’t actually able to put the question she had called about.

Each time she tried, the Minister butted in and talked loudly over her. At one point, the reporter begged to be allowed to tell the Minister why she had called.

But there was no need according to Mrs. Minors — she already knew the question (a fairly straightforward one about cardiology at King Edward VII Memorial Hospital, as it happened).

Hector wonders if this wonderful sixth sense will spread to the rest of Cabinet.

If so, will it mean Ministers pre-empt every question, issue immediate answers and allow us hacks to stop worrying about holding the Government to account? Is their no end to the groups of workers to be lauded by a Premier’s Proclamation? This week we had glowing praise from Alex Scott<$> in recognition of Administrative Professionals to mark their special week.

As we know this hardy bunch of pen pushers daily laugh in the face of danger as they run the gauntlet of 9-5 risks — everything from nasty paper cuts to falling under toppling filing cabinets.

Hector and his colleagues wonders when he is going to get his special week and a half page advertisement in The Royal Gazette.