Heartbroken parents learn daughter is gay
Dear Annie: <$>Our beautiful and gifted 19-year-old daughter, “Serena”, went away to college last year, and when she came home on spring break, she was totally changed. Serena now says she is a lesbian. She never showed any signs of being gay and even had a boyfriend before she left.We have since found out that several of her classmates and friends from high school are also lesbians. Since the percentage of homosexuals is relatively low, how can this be? Is it a college fad? Peer pressure or gay influence on a naive young woman?
We don’t understand how Serena could change so drastically. She dresses like a guy. She won’t discuss it with us. We are really worried about her and don’t understand. Please give us some insight. — Heartsick Parents*p(0,12,0,10,0,0,g)>Dear Heartsick: <$>It’s possible Serena has always been gay and simply hid it from you. (That also would explain why many of her friends are gay.) Or she could be experimenting with her sexuality, which is not uncommon at her age, in which case, her lesbian identity is temporary. Serena may not wish to discuss it because she feels you are too judgmental, or she may be unsure of her convictions and doesn’t want to be questioned. Either way, don’t freak out over this. She is what she is, and it will sort itself out eventually. You can find information and support through PFLAG (pflag.org) at 1726 M Street, NW, Suite 400, Washington, DC 20036.
Dear Annie: <$>I was recently informed through the family information line that my 90-year-old grandmother has lung cancer. My grandmother is the only family member who is unaware of the diagnosis.Grandma recently underwent a major operation to remove a limb and is enjoying a “relieved” recovery from the surgery. I cannot understand why her doctor did not inform her of the cancer when he discovered it over a month ago, and he still hasn’t done so, even though the cancer has grown significantly in the interim. Doesn’t she have a right to know?
Grandma is a strong woman, and I believe she would be angry to discover this information had been purposely kept from her. She is of quite sound mind, and I think it is ridiculous to believe she won’t know something’s up when we visit her in the hospital. — Want To Tell Grandma in Ontario*p(0,12,0,10,0,0,g)>Dear Ontario: <$>Generally, we think people should have all the necessary information about their health, but there may be extenuating circumstances here. We assume your family has consulted Grandma’s doctor about her emotional state and the wisdom of telling her. The final decision should be based on the doctor’s recommendations. Talk to your family, calmly, and ask them to consider what Grandma’s wishes would be under the circumstances. Then, whatever the decision, please abide by it.
Dear Annie: <$>I am a single parent and have no friends or family. I am scared and alone. It’s becoming unbearable, since I am also having financial problems.I haven’t been able to find a job, and I need one desperately. Do you have any advice? — Hopeless in Virginia<$>Dear Virginia: *p(0,0,0,10,0,0,g)>First, contact your state Department of Labour and ask for assistance in finding a job, even if it’s just a temp job. Then check your phone book for United Way (unitedway.org) and also the nearest YWCA (ywca.org) and see if someone there can help you with job training. If you belong to a church, talk to your clergyperson. For social support, please consider Parents Without Partners — parentswithoutpartners.org, 1650 South Dixie Highway, Suite 510, Boca Raton, Florida 33432. Good luck.