Want to see the world but don't have the means to travel further than the passport office, with or without an appointment?

Well, if you know at least which end of the bat to hold, then Bermuda is the place to migrate to. Believe me, globetrotting opportunities aplenty will be at your feet, courtesy of the abundant largesse of the International Cricket Council.

Before citizens and expatriates of that island paradise in the North Atlantic start getting all defensive over what they may perceive to be an unwarranted and merciless attack on their status as a cricketing nation, let me make it clear that no-one with any appreciation of Bermudians' love for the game would question how much it is a part of the lives of the majority of the people of that British colony.

Indeed, in no part of the established cricketing stronghold (I know the hold has slackened considerably over the last 12 years, but let's not go there, at least not today) of the West Indies are public holidays set aside specifically for domestic cricket, as it is in Bermuda for the annual Cup Match between Somerset and St George's over the two days of July 31 and August 1, an occasion for which the island virtually shuts down with 7,000 fans packing the ground and the majority of the rest of the population following the action on radio.

But passion is one thing. Quality is another. And since their abysmal World Cup debut last year in the Caribbean, Bermuda's cricket seems to have gone into a steady regression that makes a mockery of the ICC's expensive programme of international tournaments, training camps and development programmes to prop up an Associate Member nation that is really incapable of making any further progress.

Just look at their most recent performances: 62 for nine in losing by nine wickets to Guyana in the Stanford 20/20 tournament in Antigua, the lowest-ever total in the tournament; 82 all out and a 178-run defeat to Bangladesh in their opening group match of the Under-19 World Cup in Malaysia, followed by an even worse 55 all out and a ten-wicket whipping administered by England in their second fixture yesterday; and just to show that mediocrity is an equal opportunity condition, 13 all out - yes, it's not a mis-print, 13 ALL OUT - against hosts South Africa at Stellenbosch on the opening day of the Women's World Cup qualifying tournament on Monday.

Again, keep in mind that this is a country that loves the game of cricket, has been an ICC Associate Member since 1966 and has played in qualifying tournaments for the men's World Cup since 1979. By all accounts, the Bermuda Cricket Board has been taking some serious licks from the public and media up there for their apparent mismanagement of the game and failure to make the most of the generosity of the ICC, whose premature elevation of a host of associate members to first-class status defies any semblance of logic.

Just contemplate on the reality of a match between, say, Hong Kong and Uganda at the Intercontinental Cup, involving 22 players, none of whom has ever played, or ever will play, anywhere close to the highest level of the game, being granted first-class status. How does that square with a Windward Islands tournament three-day fixture in which Grenada take on St Vincent and the Grenadines for example, and that is not considered first-class?

Nothing is wrong with seeking to expand cricket's horizons, but if a nation so obsessed with the game like Bermuda languishes in such obvious ordinariness despite the best will in the world, what really is the point of ploughing considerable sums of money and other resources into places like Argentina and Papua New Guinea, where this very peculiar sport has never taken root and only exists way beyond the periphery of national sporting consciousness thanks to the enthusiasm of homesick expatriates?

So while the ICC remains hell-bent on converting the millions of unwilling heathens with the supposed power of their cricketing gospel, once powerful parishioners like the West Indies are left to fend for themselves.

Already emasculated financially by the regularised structure of tour fees introduced at the start of the century, now the international season is under threat with the arrival of the officially sanctioned Indian Premier League and the breakaway Indian Cricket League, both with bagfuls of money.

This year's schedule in the Caribbean has a one-month gap in between Sri Lanka's last One-Day International (April 16) and the start of Australia's three-day warm-up fixture (May 16) ahead of the first Test, all for the purpose of accommodating the inaugural season of the IPL. Indeed, if many of the Australian and West Indian players already signed up for the financial bonanza are honest about it, they would prefer the gap to be extended by a further two weeks so they could stay on in India until the grand final on June 1.

Assuming that Dr Donald Peters, CEO of the West Indies Cricket Board, has put aside the new administration's apparent preoccupation with giving the players some love to instead give his fellow chief executives hell for their misplaced priorities at their meeting in Kuala Lumpur, will the real ICC decision-makers give the representative of the fallen giants a fair hearing?

Or will their minds be more on which flowery shirts will match the Bermuda shorts for another instalment of the first-class farce that international cricket has become?