Dear Annie: My nine-year-old son, "Felix," is headed down the wrong path. This year in school, he has already stabbed two people with a pencil, clocked a boy and told some classmates he had a bomb.

He is very defiant, talks back, never smiles, has no emotion or remorse for his actions and has few friends. He is also starting to be mean to his two-year-old sister. He even told me he would be in juvenile detention before he turns 17. Felix has informed me that he does not like my fiance of four years. I'm at the point where I want to let him live with his dad full time. I told my ex that I want to get Felix into a local programme for difficult children, but his dad says he doesn't need it. Can you please help me before it's too late? — Desperate Mom

Dear Mom: Your ex is foolish to ignore his son's aberrant behaviour. Felix has some serious problems and the sooner you can intervene, the better. We understand your frustration, but it doesn't sound as if leaving him with his father will help. Talk to your paediatrician and the school counsellor and ask for referrals to a child psychiatrist with experience in this area. Please call today.

Dear Annie: I belong to a coffee group and we meet weekly in our homes. We have great times, laughing and sharing family events, etc. However, we have one member, "Jane," who, when it is her turn to host the group, suddenly has a conflict. She has to be out of town, she has a previous engagement, you get the picture. Otherwise, she never misses a coffee hour — as long as it is in someone else's house. Is this what one calls a freeloader? How can we get Jane to take her turn? — Annoyed Friend

Dear Annoyed: It's possible Jane is a freeloader, but it's just as likely she is embarrassed to have people in her home. You can handle this directly by asking Jane when she's going to have the group over. Or, when it's your turn, suggest meeting at an inexpensive coffeehouse for a change of pace and see if Jane picks up the baton from there. If she still won't budge, you have to decide if you enjoy her company enough to keep including her anyway.

Dear Annie: My soon-to-be 17-year-old son has been caught smoking pot several times in the past few years. He also recently became very close to a girl we don't care for. She smokes pot as well, and I have reason to believe he may be sexually active with her. We have grounded him, taken away privileges, pushed him into drug counseling and other things, but as soon as he earns his freedom, he goes back to the same poor choices.

He gets reasonably good grades and is always polite to adults so they think he's a great kid. How do I get him to turn his life around before it's too late? — Worried Sick in New England

Dear Worried Sick: You need to talk to your son in a calm, loving, honest way without lecturing or judging. You won't convince him to give up drugs or sex by yelling, punishing or worrying, so put your emphasis on how much you care about him. He needs to trust what you are saying, so don't overemphasize the dangers of pot and sex. Smoking pot doesn't mean he will become a crack addict. It can, however, slow his reflexes and impair his judgment, so he should understand what that means in terms of driving, school work and behavior, and what happens if he is stopped for a traffic violation and pot is found in his car.

Teens having sex, unfortunately, is not unusual and he needs to use protection to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and minimize the chance of contracting or transmitting an STD. Sometimes kids use drugs and sex as self-medication when they are depressed, and if your son hasn't had counseling for depression, please look into it.

Meanwhile, keep the lines of communication open so it's easy for your son to talk to you. He values your opinion even if it doesn't seem so. Hang in there, Mom.