Relationships change for many reasons: Divorce or separation, marriage or committing to someone, a new baby or a child leaving home, friendship changes, loss of income, changes in habits (such as quitting smoking) and living with an adolescent.

Most teenagers will admit that one of the biggest changes they notice is in the way they feel about their parents and their friends.

The teenage years can be rough on parents and children. There are times when each feels completely misunderstood or unappreciated, times when they can't understand the anger between them. If you are a parent you know just what this means. Parents feel responsible to care for and protect children until they are able to live on their own. The problem is when to hold on and how much, and when to let go. Sometimes it feels like a game of tug-of-war. It is not easy to let go of a familiar routine.

Some teenagers experience wild mood swings, which often affect the way they get along with the rest of the family. It is important to be able to have a release of pent-up emotions, but it isn't fair to let parents, usually mothers, be the object of the attacks.

As parents, we are concerned about sex for many reasons. Most parents want to protect their children from the traumatic experience of an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. These are serious issues that many teens don't think about when they start having sexual relations. We also know that sexual relationships can have emotional as well as physical consequences. Many parents worry just as much about their sons as they do about their daughters.

Encourage your young people to understand that there is nothing wrong with being celibate. Celibacy can strengthen a relationship. It is heartening that some young students are not ashamed to say "no'' to sex. There are some who have the knowledge that unsafe sex could destroy the reproductive organs and also kill, yet casual sex still seems to be appealing to others.

Many teens are compromising their values. They do not have to try something just because other kids are doing it. With guidance they will learn to make their own decisions, it's part of becoming an adult.

If teens are willing to have casual sex they often end up feeling hurt and suffer form low self esteem.

Friendships go through changes during teenage years. For many teens, friends are more important than families. How teens relate to peers influences how they relate to others.

Some teens form their closest friendships with people of the opposite sex.

They can confide in each other, go out with each other and have fun together, but do not become romantically involved. Teens have said it is a pleasure to have a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, without having to get mixed up in a sexual relationship with them.

They have the benefit of advice and caring from someone else, but they do not have the tension, jealousy or possessiveness that often comes with a dating relationship.

Parents need to remember that when dealing with children, tactful persuasion accomplishes a great more than commands. Show courtesy and respect in dealing with teens. In relationships, angry words will produce deep hurt that can set off explosive reactions. Spoken words cannot be erased. A kind, gentle response requires control, but the rewards are many and provides better relationships with young people.

CYNTHIA STOVELL Communicable Disease Clinic Department of Health.