In their 1995 volume, Lawyers' Wit & Wisdom: Quotations on the Legal Profession , editors Bruce Nash and Allan Zullo record the words and actions of attorneys in an attempt to portray the profession through a pastiche of stories and quotes. The following are adapted from the book: ** DURING a 1991 civil case in Cook County (Illinois) the Circuit Court in Cook County, Illinois, an attorney was doing a particularly skillful job of cross-examining a witness.

Question by question, he laid a trap that seemed inescapable. When he as ked the final question, the judge could stand it no more. Before the witness could answer, the judge yelled: "You've got him! You've got him!'' The case was settled during the short recess which followed.

*** DOCTORS may not make house calls these days, but Memphis Criminal Court Judge Joe B. Brown, now a TV judge, has been known to.

The former criminal defense attorney on several occasions accepted guilty pleas from burglars and then attached an unusual condition. The burglars' victims were allowed to visit the homes of the burglars, to take something from them. An eye for an eye, was Judge Brown's philosophy.

Lionel Winston, a businessman, was one beneficiary of the judge's new technique. The court found that Winston's housekeeper had stolen from him. In the company of the judge and the sherriff's deputy, Mr. Winston paid two visits, unannounced, to the ex-housekeeper's house. Mr. Winston took two coats that he later gave away.

Judge Brown commented: "I asked (the convict) how it felt to loose possessions, and he said: `Not so good'. I told him: `Now you know how it feels'.

*** "LIARS are like snakes,'' says American trial attorney Mike Ficaro. "Sooner or later, they shed their skin. The cross-examiner's job is to make a few small incisions that will help them do this right in front of the jury.

Cross-examination is a process in which you loosen the witness's skin.'' *** IN 1973, Ed Koch was running for the office of Mayor in New York City. He visited a senior citizens' centre in the Bronx.

He was immediately asked about crime and what he intended to do about it.

"Crime is terrible,'' he replied. "A judge I know was mugged this week. Do you know what he did? He called a press conference to say that the mugging would in no way affect his judicial decisions in matters of that kind.'' An elderly woman stood up and shouted: "Then mug him again!'' *** BEFORE three Justices in the Hong Kong Court of Appeals, lawyer Angus McKay gave three reasons why he believed that his client's conviction should be overturned.

One of the judges addressed Mr. Mackay. "The first tier of your case is that the identification was wrong. The second tier is that the statements that were made should be disregarded. And the third tier is that the conviction is against the weight of evidence in any event. Is that not right?'' Mr. Mackay could not resist. "If I have reduced your Lordship to tiers, should I really continue?'' *** US Supreme Court Justice Robert H. Jackson, said: "I used to say that, as Solicitor General, I made three arguments of every case. First came the one that I planned as I thought -- logical, coherent, complete.

"Second was the one actually presented -- interrupted, incoherent, disjointed, disappointing.

"The third was the utterly devastating argument that I thought of after going to bed that night.'' *** AFTER a big lunch one day, Judge George D, Warner, Jr., of the Chancery Court in Meridian, Mississippi, couldn't keep his eyes open in Court. He realised that he must have he had dropped off to sleep when his eyes suddenly opened and not a sound could be heard.

One lawyer stood looking at him, with his notes in his hand. The other lawyer, who had been questioning the witness, was standing still, waiting to proceed.

The judge looked at the first lawyer and said: "Objection sustained!'' "But, Judge, I didn't object,'' said the lawyer.

"Well,'' said the embarrassed judge, "you should have!'' N.B.

This is the exact same Law Matters supplement that ran in The Royal Gazette on 20th September, 2000. However do the printing problems that affected the quality of the print, it was pulled from the circulation and did not appear again until the 9th October, 2000.