Having a world of tools in our toolbox doesn’t get the picture hung — we need to actually use them.

“I know what I have to do … to feel better/lose weight/quit a habit/make that promotion/get a date/turn things around ... but I’m just not doing it.” How many times have I heard this? How many times have I, myself, said it?

What’s stopping us? Consciously we know what we want, which changes will be good, that the old patterns aren’t benefiting us. It seems like a no-brainer, and yet it doesn’t always happen.

In my experience, I’ve learned that the formula for making lasting change has several component parts.

There’s motivation. We need the carrot, and also the stick, in order to spur us on. The carrot is what we are drawn towards, the compelling future, how great/healthy/happy/satisfied etc we will be when we have made the changes we seek. The stick is chasing us up from behind — the undesirable outcome if we continue down the same un-serving path we’re on, which we would rather avoid.

But motivation alone isn’t enough. Even at crisis point, when we have seemingly hit the end of that ugly path, and that stick is right up in our face, motivation isn’t always enough to turn it around. People sneaking in fried chicken after bypass surgery, sabotaging themselves by not showing up for the critical interview, continuing their same unhelpful behaviours in the face of their sadness and misery.

There needs to be a decision. A draw-a-line-in-the-sand-and-step-over-it moment when we say, enough is enough, I’m not doing this anymore. But while we may consider ourselves honest folk, true to our word, too often can we justify our way out of our verbal commitments, particularly to ourselves? “Oh, just this once won’t hurt, I’ve had a bad day. I’ll start tomorrow …”

Our words may be strong but if we are not fully aligned to them, they are just well intentioned hot air. Alignment is a key component; having every part of ourselves fully on-board to make this change a reality. If we still see a cigarette as a delicious treat, we are never going to want to give them up.

If we’re covering some fear of success, we will struggle to take ourselves to the next level. If we harbour mistrust of the opposite sex, it’s hard to fully commit to a healthy relationship.

Alignment to a cause is taking on the identity of that new behaviour, believing it is who we are. We can fudge our words but we’re reluctant to compromise our identity: I am a non-smoker; I am an advocate for healthy living; I am a successful woman.

Every major shift I’ve ever made has hinged on a new identity I have taken on around it.

Finally, we need to take action on our change. We have to show up and do the work, and keep doing it every day.

Walking our talk, being true to ourselves, being who and what we choose to be.

Julia Pitt is a trained success coach and certified NLP practitioner on the team at Benedict Associates. For further information contact Julia on 705-7488, www.juliapittcoaching.com.