Question: What suggestions do you have to help a second child who is very bright, but he’s constantly in the shadow of an older sibling who is highly gifted and talented at everything he tries? The younger child is losing interest in school and other activities, despite being very capable and talented in his own right.Answer: Your story is a serious one, but it’s not unique. An older, highly gifted child can feel like an impossible standard to younger siblings, and unfortunately, underachievement is a rather typical pattern of response. Your younger son seems to have only started feeling discouraged, so there’s a good chance you can motivate him before he loses confidence.First, explain that you can understand that he must feel like he’s no match for his older brother. Part of that can be related to his brother’s older age and having learned things ahead of his younger sibling. The other part may really be that he’s extraordinarily talented and, of course, as parents you want both boys to fulfill their potential. Then explain to your younger son that he’s comparing himself to the wrong person. If he lived in another family, he could be the smartest and wouldn’t feel discouraged at all.Even more important, you can explain that there are many career opportunities available for people with all kinds of talents, as long as they’re willing to take initiative and work hard. However, there are few opportunities for people who get discouraged and quit. Assure him that you can guarantee that he’ll do well in life if he’s willing to work hard at learning. Fulfilling his own potential is what you and he should care about.If people quit or got discouraged every time they came across someone that seemed smarter, there would be a lot of depressed people who don’t accomplish much. Your younger son might even consider the number of kids in his own class who might give up because they don’t feel as smart as he is. The perseverance that’s needed not to quit is called resilience. Everyone experiences some failure. Resilient people bounce back from disappointments. They persevere and that eventually leads them to success.If your son feels disappointed in a grade, he can tell himself, “I’ll learn from my mistakes” or “I guess I have to study harder next time”. And when he takes this approach, he’ll soon find he can do very well. Perhaps, he’ll have to admit to himself that he has to work harder than his brother to do as well, but the good results can prove he’s capable when he applies himself.Your older son may be very talented, but he, too, will have to cope with failure and disappointments. It may feel even more difficult for him after having so much success. Failure is part of life, and when life becomes difficult, it’s important to have a loving big or little sibling around to cheer you on. Perhaps as your younger son learns to cheer his older brother on, his older brother, in turn, will learn to encourage him.Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, Wisconsin 53094, USA or srimm@sylviarimm.com