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Is sucking up the way to climb the corporate ladder?

Almost every company — and every leader — claims to want employees to honestly express their opinions. Almost everyone claims to hate "suck-ups" who just provide hollow praise to their bosses.

It's a puzzling situation. If everyone hates suck-ups so much, why does so much sucking-up go on? The simple answer is that people tend to create an environment where others learn to suck up to them.

You're probably thinking, "The Goldsmiths are making a good point. I see other leaders encouraging suck-ups all the time. Of course I find this to be disgusting!" It's incredibly easy to see other leaders encouraging suck-ups. And it's incredibly difficult to realise that you (without meaning to) may be doing the same thing.

In teaching classes, we've often ask leaders: "How many of you own a dog that you love?"

Invariably these leaders smile, wave their hands in the air, and share the names of their ever-faithful mutts.

Next we ask: "What family member gets the most unqualified positive recognition at home?"

The possible answers are: a) my husband, wife or partner; b) my kids; or c) my dog. More than 80 percent of the time the clear winner is … the dog!

We then ask these same leaders if they actually love their dogs more than the other members of their families. The invariably say no (although some appear to be lying).

The next question is: "Then why is the dog the family member who gets the most unqualified positive recognition?"

The answers always sound the same: "The dog never talks back!"

"The dog never criticises me!"

"The dog is always happy to see me!"

"The dog gives me unconditional love!"

In other words, the dog is a suck-up. Here is a simple test that may help you avoid encouraging suck-ups in your own work environment.

Rank-order your direct reports (or, if you don't have direct reports, use co-workers) in three ways:

1. How much does this person like me? (You may not know the real answer, but it doesn't matter. How much do you think this person likes you? )

2. What is this person's contribution to our company and our customers?

3. How much positive personal recognition do I give to this person?

If you're honest with yourself, in some cases you may find that your recognition is more highly correlated with No. 1 (liking) than No. 2 (contribution). You may be falling into a trap that you despise in others: creating an environment where people learn to suck up to you.

Think of your own experience in observing suck-ups. The ones that we all hate are obvious or embarrassing about it. These people's problem is not that they suck up — it's that they're bad at it. Subtle suck-ups who don't obviously look like they are sucking up do much better. They're much more skilled in their tactics.

Challenge yourself as a leader or co-worker. Make sure that when you give recognition, you're giving it for the right reason. Don't assume that you're too enlightened to fall into the "encouraging suck-ups" trap. Anyone can make this mistake.

What's your experience in observing employees who suck-up and leaders who encourage this behaviour?

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One thing most bad managers have in common is they're not consciously aware that they're bad managers. And if they are aware of it on some level, they're probably not willing to admit it to anyone, least of all themselves. That's because nobody wants to believe they're the problem, writes Steve Tobak.

It's a common enough phenomenon that isn't limited to bosses, but applies to people at all levels: executives, managers, employees too. I'm not a shrink, so I'm not sure why that is. But if I had to guess, I'd say it's probably got something to do with ego, denial, compartmentalisation, self-delusion, lack of perspective, that sort of thing.

It would be all-too-easy to just label these folks dysfunctional and call it a day, but I'm not entirely sure that would be either accurate or helpful. I actually think we all suffer from this sort of myopia to some extent and from time to time.

You see, in How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't! I told readers to take a long hard look in the mirror before pointing fingers at the boss. Of course that cuts both ways.

When it's happening to us, we put up our defences. And not only is that bad for business, it's bad for your management career, as well.

So, even if you're convinced that you're the greatest manager on planet Earth and your ability to be introspective knows no bounds, you'd still be wise to check these 'Seven Signs You May Be a Bad Manager'. As for all you employees who'd rather be water-boarded than take a cold hard look at yourself, most of the signs apply to individuals, too.

Your group is underperforming. Sooner or later, bad management will trickle down and affect the entire organisation. Whatever the appropriate metrics are for an organisation, poor performance can usually be traced back to a management problem.

Your manager is turning up the heat. When a good senior manager thinks there may be a problem with a subordinate manager, he'll inevitably turn up the heat and see what happens. So if you notice your boss putting the screws to you, it's a sign that something's up.

Allies are distancing themselves from you. It's one thing for your employees to talk behind your back and for your enemies to despise you, but when your work friends and allies start to back away, that's an indication that you're damaged goods.

You're behaving like more of a jerk than usual. You may be in conscious denial about being a crappy boss, but on some level, you're probably aware of it. And that takes a toll on you, usually in terms of increased stress and anxiety that you'll likely take out on others.

Your decision-making is compromised. One of the most visible signs of poor management is poor decision-making. After all, decisions are actions, actions generate results, and results are highly visible. Pay attention.

Your personal relationships suck. Dysfunctional managers are also dysfunctional people. Relationships are relationships, period. And while I'm sure that some bad bosses are just wonderful spouses and friends, I seriously doubt it's very common.

Your employees are miserable. Come on now. I don't care how self-absorbed you are, you know if your employees are miserable. Do they stop talking and look guilty when you walk by? Do they invite everyone else but you for drinks after work?