Question: Our four-year-old little boy is very friendly and extroverted. He happily runs off to class each morning without a backward glance because he loves being at school with so many playmates and he's very well liked because of his personable nature. My husband and I both work full time, but when we get home we make a point of interacting and playing with him before dinner and bedtime. Each weekend we plan fun outings and play dates, or we hang out at home and play together. The problem is that no matter how much time we spend entertaining him it's not enough. We wake up on the weekend to screams of "Play with me!" before we can even pour a cup of coffee. If we encourage him to entertain himself with his favourite toys, while we just watch and talk with him, he lies on the floor in a tantrum that can last for hours because we're not actively participating at all times.

Ignoring him doesn't seem to work at all. My husband will vigorously play with him for an hour and then try to read the paper, but it's impossible to do anything that doesn't involve him. He even follows me around whining while I do housework. It seems as if the more attention he gets, the more he wants. Even right after a three-hour play date he's already begging for another one. I feel like my own identity is disappearing, and the weekend screaming sessions are wearing us both out. The funny thing is that he started playing by himself right after he turned 3, but then in the last months he's put his foot down and refused.

Is this just a phase that will pass on its own? There have been no changes in our home life; I'm at a loss. Is there something that we need to be doing to help him be more independent? All of my parent friends have children that play on their own, and they shrug their shoulders sadly at me, so I've not been able to find any advice on this. I'll note, also, that due to our ages and economic situation, a sibling is not something we're able to provide. He begs us for one, which makes me feel worse. Help!

Answer: Your son is a very social little guy, but he can surely learn to play for a time on his own. Use a timer and start with 15 minutes of play on his own before you and your husband play with him. If he screams, do more than ignore him. Time him out in his room until he quiets down. Be absolutely firm about not playing with him until he's accomplished some quiet time on his own. Gradually expand that time to half an hour or so, and praise him for his new grown-up independence when he accomplishes his independent play.

To give yourself some additional alone time on weekends, try to hire a mother's helper. A nine- or ten-year-old child would be happy to earn a small amount of money for playing with your son for several hours a week. It will be good experience for the tween and a good substitute for a sibling for your son. Although many only children develop considerable independence, some onlies yearn for continual friends.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: srimmsylvia@rimm.com or Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, Wisconsin 53094, USA