Question: How do you get a child who doesn't want to be smart to accept his gifts? My son's IQ score confirmed what we always suspected, but his schoolwork doesn't "reflect" his abilities. He does just enough to get by, learning early a teacher's threshold and manipulating it. He's now in seventh grade and his grades fluctuate. He had three D's four weeks before the end of a semester, but wound up with a 3.5 by report-card time.

Answer: My survey of over 5,000 middle-grade students showed that children felt a great deal of peer pressure to be popular and that often prevented them from doing their best in school. Kids don't mind getting the good grades as long as they can still impress their peers as being cool. Undoubtedly, your son wasn't completing assignments and thus earned the D's. He must have decided that D's weren't cool either, so he quickly accomplished what he needed to do.

It's time for you and his dad to talk to him about integrity and the importance of accomplishing honest work. He needs to understand how important it is to be independent enough from his peers to give teachers a realistic sense of what he can accomplish. They can't give him more interesting work if he doesn't complete what he's been assigned or doesn't talk to them about his needs. If he's in a habit of underachieving in middle school, he'll find it hard to break out of in high school, and his poor grades will close educational doors for him for the rest of his life.

It may seem that your son isn't accepting your messages, but especially if his dad joins with you, he'll undoubtedly hear what you say. An emphasis on honesty, integrity and a work ethic can gradually motivate your son to do better. My book, "Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades And What You Can Do About It" (Great Potential Press, 2008), now in its third edition, will give you insights on your bright son's underachievement.

Question: How strongly does alcoholism affect Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)? Is there a connection?

Answer: I don't know of any genetic connection between alcoholism and Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but I can easily imagine family dynamics that could lead a child with an alcoholic family member to become oppositional.

If the alcoholic is disrespectful or abusive to the other parent, the child could imitate that disrespect and become oppositional. If nonalcoholic parents adultize children or adolescents, that could overempower them as well.

The children may assume they should have adult privileges and power and fight authority by either parent, thus becoming rebellious and oppositional. There are many scenarios in alcoholic families that might lead children to become oppositional and thus make a connection between the two problems.

Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, Wisconsin 53094, USA or srimm@sylviarimm.com.