Dear Annie: I have a 22-year-old daughter, “Jane”, from my previous marriage. She is a senior in college and engaged to “Don”, a 31-year-old carpenter.Jane and Don have moved in together and plan to marry soon. Don has custody of his two children, and is fighting for custody of his three-year-old girl by a different mother. The older children are an absolute delight — a credit to Don’s parenting. The mother of the three-year-old neglects the girl terribly, which is why Don wants custody. My daughter loves the children, and they adore her.

Although Jane’s relationship was difficult for me to handle at first (and I voiced my concerns very clearly), I don’t see any choice but to accept it now. If she is happy, I am happy.

The problem is my live-in partner of seven years, “James”. He is vehemently against Jane’s relationship with Don and does not want to have anything to do with the children. They are not allowed to set foot on our property. James believes that accepting the children is not in their best interest, since the relationship between Jane and Don could end and then the children would be emotionally harmed.

Jane has invited James and me to her apartment for Christmas dinner. I want to go, but James refuses. He says he will instead volunteer in a soup kitchen. I think his position is irrational and is causing damage to his relationship with Jane, which was formerly very good. It also makes it extremely awkward when Jane wants to visit me. I’ve tried talking to James and even went to a counsellor. James said he would do whatever the counsellor said, but the counsellor would not voice an opinion. James reads your column faithfully. What do you think? — Caught Between a RockDear Rock: We hope James is paying attention because this is for him: KNOCK IT OFF! There are no guarantees in marriage. For the foreseeable future, these children are part of Jane’s family. If you can accept and love them with an open heart, all of your lives will be enriched.

Dear Annie$>I read the letter from “Out of Ideas”, whose co-worker suffered a brain injury. I supervise 13 employees in my workplace. It’s a pity the co-worker suffered such a terrible accident, but it does not change the fact that her erratic behaviour affects the workplace. Businesses are required to make REASONABLE accommodations for people with handicaps. It is not the co-workers’ place to adapt to unacceptable behaviour that causes disruption and unpleasantness.The correct solution for this problem is to order a “Fitness For Duty” medical evaluation. If the co-worker is determined to be unable to function as expected, the company can place her on short-term or long-term disability, then replace her with someone who can perform all the necessary duties. — Not Politically CorrectMany people wrote to say we bent over too far backward for the brain-damaged co-worker. You are right that if she is incapable of doing her job, the others in the office should not be penalised.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, long-time editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox[AT]comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, PO Box 118190, Chicago, Illinois 60611.