It seems a rampant trend nowadays — children giving birth to children. You almost cannot turn a corner in town without bumping into two or three teenage mothers, which leaves many adults asking why. Why force such responsibility on yourself when you are still growing up, still a baby yourself?

Special Features writer Melissa Fox recently spoke with one young mother (who wished to remain anonymous) in an attempt to help understand the reasons why so many young girls are making the choice to have a baby.

Q<$>: How old were you guys when you got pregnant?

A: I was 19 and he was 23. But we’d already been together about six years.

Q: So what was your reaction when you found out you were pregnant? What was the father’s reaction — did you tell him?

A: I was speechless, I wanted a baby and it finally happened. He was speechless too, but I could tell he was unsure about it afterwards. We were both really shocked. At the time I thought that maybe this would bring us closer together, and that we’d live happily ever after. It didn’t work out that way.

Q: What did the fact that you were going to have a baby do to your relationship?

A: We had problems back then but we had been in love since high school, so it seemed like it would be okay. Our relationship changed, especially where our freedom was concerned. But it was the first pregnancy for both of us and he really wanted the baby too.

Q: What did your parents say?

A: My mother was upset; she was really disappointed in me. But his mother was happy, although she advised me that we shouldn’t have any more kids.

Q: Do you remember what the labour felt like?

A: It was painful! I didn’t have an epidural or anything! I remember I had gone to the hospital because I thought I was in labour, but they sent me home again. It turns out I actually was! I was at home and I didn’t know what to do. Finally, someone came and got me into a car to take me back to the hospital. It felt like the baby was coming and I was crying and trying not to push. When the father finally got to the hospital, he didn’t understand. He couldn’t feel my pain.

I also realised that postpartum depression is real. Every evening I cried because here I had this new-born baby and my body was completely worn out. What was worse? He could leave whenever he wanted, but I couldn’t.

Q: How much help are you getting, or are you doing this all on your own?

A: Well, my mom helps out whenever possible. His mother is wonderful — she looks after her and feeds her every now and again to give me a hand. I really appreciate her being there for me. Unfortunately, the father doesn’t help as much as I would like but he does support me somewhat. But when you aren’t married, it’s really the mother’s responsibility.

Q: How has having a baby affected your life now?

A: Every move I make, I have to consider how it may affect my daughter. I can’t travel, hang out, buy clothes or cook without considering what it might do to her. But I love her, love watching her glow and getting hugs and kisses from her. It’s not an even trade off, but she is so important to me that it doesn’t really bother me that much that I can’t do all those other things.

I defiantly don’t ever want my daughter to be embarrassed. I want to set a good example for her. I want to be a better person, a role model. I think I can say that I’ve learned to respect myself and that I should be respected from this whole experience.

Q: Do you ever think that having a baby has gotten in the way of your dreams?

A: Sometimes, but I can still school my daughter and show her the right way. We are very close, she and I. And my dreams have changed from what I may have wanted before. Now I’d like to be able to buy a house, get married, and take her on trips so she can experience the world. I’d also like to save for her college tuition, to open up to her opportunities that I never had.

Q: If you could go back, would you change the way your life has turned out?

A: I don’t know. I can’t say that I regret having my daughter, but I know if I could go back, I would probably wait and think things out more thoroughly. Your child is your responsibility. They don’t ask to be born — they are innocent.

Q: How do you feel about all the young girls you see nowadays, walking around with babies and complaining about “baby daddy” drama?

A: They just don’t know how hard it is. Having a baby might look easy, but if you really love and want the best for your child, you should take the time to think about it. Are you ready for the responsibility? I learned that you don’t realise what it’s really like until you actually experience it. Like my aunt used to say, “If you don’t hear, you must feel.” These girls need to realise that it’s a man’s ego to have a child. At the end of the night, the baby is all yours, so it won’t keep him. It just causes another soul to be caught up in a crazy situation.

Everyone is different, but just think it through. You should get married, or at least be emotionally and financially stable. And you have to make sure you do it for the right reasons.