This week, I'm going to tell you something you already know, and give you some good advice you've heard before. Yet despite knowing what I'm about to tell you, you don't do it. I'm going to try to point out why you should do what you know to be right, you naughty, naughty people.

A good buddy returned to Bermuda from the U of K recently, after the Christmas break. Knowing my weakness for a newspaper, he was kind enough to drag me back that day's edition of what an American editor I know insists on calling the "Times of London", although it's real name is The Times.

The Times was once the finest newspaper in the world. It is no longer. Snapped up by Richard Murdoch, that serial destroyer of all that is good, The Times has become indistinguishable from a comic. Comics are fun to read, however, and I'll read anything, so I spent a day or two perusing the newspaper.

My eye fell on an advertisement aimed at those over 50. Old codgers, including me, are routinely offered special treatment, as if they couldn't possibly make it on their own and must therefore receive special treatment.

It's insulting, but not so much that you'd refuse to take advantage of a good deal, if one were offered. I recall an occasion when I was 35 years of age, in my magnificent prime, when some snotty kid at a Macdonald's asked if I wanted the "seniors' discount".

"You bet I do, sonny boy," I replied, in my old man voice. I should have slapped him senseless, but someone already had, apparently. Why, the very idea! I was young enough to be his brother, but free money is always good, even if you have to be insulted by some punk to get it. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but discounts can never hurt me.

That's not the advice I set out to give you, but it's a good start.

Anyhow, the newspaper ad was for a "Premier 50 current account" — according to the ad, "the only account exclusively for the over 50s". Beneath that, in enormous letters was the phrase "7.0 percent AER" and in smaller letters, "credit interest rate".

I used to know what AER stands for, but being old and decrepit, I've forgotten. No, wait — it's the Annual Equivalent Rate. It's the effective annual interest rate. Man, the chance to earn seven percent on my UK checking account? I'd be up that like a rat up a drainpipe, as they don't say in polite circles.

I made plans to borrow billions from my bank here, hedge the exchange rate risk, and plonk it all into the seven percent account, retiring thereupon to one of the world's most expensive destinations, such as St. David's Island.

And then I read the small print.

It revealed the offer to be the most outrageous rip-off I may ever have heard of, and I've seen a few in my time. The small print said, and I quote: "7.0 percent AER interest rate fixed until 31.01.09 on balances up to £2,500." In even smaller print, it said: "0.10% AER (variable) on balances over £2,500."

I'll translate, in case any of you didn't get it. The fabulous offer applies only to 2,500 quid, or about $5,000, and only for a year. If you were already getting, say, 4.5 percent on your money, this deal would be worth just £62.50 (less tax) over the next 12 months.

It would be worth even less than that if you transferred more than £2,500 quid to your new account - which you wouldn't do if you read the small print.

Next up, the ad said: "£10 monthly account fee applies." In other words, to gain £62.50 (less tax) would cost you £120! You'd have to be a fool to take up this offer, a complete idiot — or someone who doesn't read the small print.

In the actual small print at the foot of the ad was yards of verbiage. The actual interest rate is 6.79 percent. You can't already have such an account. Rates revert to a lower rate after a year, blah blah blah.

If I were the King of England, I would take the management of the building society that made this "offer" and hang them by their necks until they died. Their children, too. And their next-door neighbours. And everyone they ever met. And — well, that's why they won't let me be King of England.

Those management weasels know what you know: that no one reads the small print. Certainly not the over-50s, most of whom need magnifying glasses just to see the big print. This kind of thing makes my blood boil. If you're going pick on someone, pick on someone your own age.

The large print giveth and the small print taketh away. So now you know what I'm on about, although you knew it all along. Take a second or two. Read the small print. Never sign any document without reading it. Look before you leap.

The ad from the building society is branded, in very large letters: "a real plus". In reality, it's a real minus. Don't be fooled by such tactics. No matter how old or senile you are, for Heaven's sake, read the small print.