Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" is one of the most inspiring books I have read. First published in 1989, the book has sold over 15 million copies and is still in the top 100 bestselling books on Amazon.com.

I have a healthy cynicism for self-improvement books. The only reason that I picked this one up was that it came recommended by a friend whose cynicism exceeds my own. Unlike most such books, however, Covey's habits are not quick fixes, techniques that can be adopted with immediate results. They're about building integrity. They require effort to internalise and time to yield results.

I had cause to think about Covey's book again last week during a discussion on what we might do to improve race relations in Bermuda.

The United Nations Committee on Decolonisation has already said that dealing with race is something that we will need to do whether or not Bermuda becomes independent. Yet this is a subject where we are ill-served by our politicians. The PLP is unconcerned about exploiting latent racial bitterness to rally its supporters. The UBP appointed David Dodwell as Shadow Minister for Race Relations and Economic Empowerment last year, but since then we've heard little from him.

If our politicians won't take the lead, it's up to us. So what can we do?

We could invite someone from a different race round to our home for dinner. Whites could apologise for what happened in the past. We could set up a public forum to discuss these issues and allow grievances to be aired. Perhaps wealthy whites could establish scholarships solely for underprivileged black children.

The trouble with these ideas is that they're too simple, too easy. So is the notion that putting up a memorial to slavery or becoming independent will change anything. No quick fix will erase the feelings generated by centuries of oppression and discrimination.

Doing that will require a change in the way we relate to each other. That's where Covey's book can help.

His first habit, "Be Proactive", calls upon us to recognise that we have the freedom to choose our response to every stimulus. We are not animals, reacting instinctively. We are thinking human beings. Our self-awareness, imagination, conscience and independent will offers us the ability to decide how we will react to any situation. We can subordinate feelings to values.

"Be Proactive" reminds us that instead of reacting angrily or defensively when the subject of race comes up, we can choose to respond more constructively.

The second habit, "Begin With The End In Mind", suggests we should visualise exactly what a non-racial Bermuda would be like. Otherwise how will we know when we have successfully addressed our racial issues?

The third habit, "Put First Things First", is about achieving that vision. Every activity is either important or unimportant, urgent or not urgent. We can't neglect the things that are important and urgent, but habit three encourages us to prioritise the important but not urgent tasks (such as improving race relations) above those that are less important, even if they seem more pressing.

The fourth habit, "Think Win/Win", encourages us to look for solutions to problems that satisfy the needs of both sides.

For example, reparations would seem to be a poor solution to racial issues because many whites have a problem with their arbitrary nature. Blacks win, whites lose. It feels too much like revenge. How can that then lead to racial harmony?

Reaching win/win solutions requires the fifth habit: "Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood". It encourages us to listen to what is being said to us before trying to get our own point across, and to look beyond stated positions for the underlying feelings. Why does he feel that reparations or independence are the way forward? Why is she so opposed to those ideas? Understanding the whys ought to make it easier to find a third way forward, one that satisfies everyone.

This means not evaluating what is being said to us; not probing with questions asked from our own frame of reference; not advising based on our own experience; not trying to interpret what's being said.

It means rephrasing the content and reflecting the feelings of what is being said to demonstrate our understanding and allow the other person to feel heard.

The sixth habit, "Synergize", is about valuing our differences, by recognising that everyone sees the world not as it is, but as they are.

If we think we see the world as it is, we'll consider those who see things differently to be wrong. How then can we hope to understand each other?

The seventh habit, "Sharpen The Saw", involves looking after ourselves physically, mentally, socially and spiritually, so we have the energy to practice the other six.

This may seem like pretty touchy-feely stuff, and it's no quick fix.

But the good news is that if we want better race relations we do not have to wait for others to change their behaviour.

The solution lies within each one of us. All we need is the will to act.

www.limeyinbermuda.com