Dear Annie: I rent one of my bedrooms to “Kirby”. He pays his rent on time every week without fail. He drinks a little too much, but it doesn’t seem to interfere with his job or his rent payments. The problem is, Kirby brings his girlfriend over, and she has no job and no way to pay her way. I have no intention of letting her perch herself in my house and run up my utility bills. Plus, she has a drug problem — crack cocaine. Kirby says he loves her and wants to help, but I refuse to have this woman on my property. I have threatened to call the police. I’ve known Kirby for 20 years, and he has never stolen from me. I feel bad about his girlfriend, but I don’t trust her. Am I within my legal rights to keep her off my property? What should I do? — Confused in Pensacola, Florid>

Dear Confused: As the owner, you get to determine the rules of your house, and that includes who rents the space and who comes and goes. We suggest you tell Kirby that either the girlfriend stops visiting or he must move out. You should rent the space to someone whose companions do not require that you have police protectioB>

Dear Annie: <$>I was a leader of a youth organisation for five years, the last two serving as city chairperson. The council’s representative, “Bev”, was on the awards committee and suggested we all nominate each other for “Outstanding Leader”. Each woman needed two letters, and Bev said she would write the second letter if there was only one submitted. I wrote a letter for each of the other five leaders, and at least one person was supposed to write a letter on my behalf.The awards ceremony came, and all the others stood up to get their pins while I was left alone at the table wondering why no one nominated me. I tried to put on a happy face and assumed it was an accidental oversight, but no one said anything. I excused myself to use the bathroom, had a little cry and went home.

I actually thought one of them might nominate me the next year to make up for it — after all, that’s what I would have done. So I attended the awards ceremony the following year, but there was no pin for me. Not one of those women ever said a word about it. I quit the group after that. It’s been five years, and I still haven’t gotten over the hurt. It certainly feels intentional. How do I stop letting this bother me? — Just Want to Be Acknowled<$>Dear Just Want <$>Whether or not it was intentional, one of those women should have spoken up and, at the very least, expressed sympathy. Hurts like this can last a long time because they are never addressed and resolved. If this incident enters your mind infrequently, consciously substitute more pleasant thoughts and move on. If you think of it obsessively, please consider counselling.

Dear An: <$>I have been married for 22 years to a beautiful woman. We have four children, and the kids and I all love her madly. The only problem is, she has been an alcoholic for the past 12 years. She doesn’t work and has no friends left. She has gone to rehab, but the moment she comes home, she starts drinking again. She wants a divorce, but I don’t think she understands the consequences. However, the children and I are fed up. My 16-year-old calls her mom “a lush”, and my six-year-old hides from her. We are all being destroyed and she doesn’t see it. — Help Us, Please>

Dear Help: Your wife may want a divorce because she is trying to cut you loose, but you are right, the consequences for all of you could be severe. Please contact Al-Anon and Alateen (al-anon-alateen.org) for you and your children. The number is 1-888-4-AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666). You also should consider family counselling.