Dear Annie: Our 23-year-old son has lots of emotional problems and has been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder. For five years, he saw a psychiatrist for a chemical imbalance. He became frustrated and refused to continue his therapy. Within a few months, he dropped out of college and later quit a good job. We next employed the services of a clinical psychologist and another psychiatrist.For over a month, the counselling seemed to help. Then his psychiatrist prescribed Prozac, which made him overactive, and he became a danger to himself and to us. He was hospitalised and taken off that medication. He returned home with a better outlook and seemed to be improving. Now he has decided not to continue counselling and refuses to take other medicine. He is lonely and tends to blame all his shortcomings on us.We are hoping you can suggest alternatives to deal with this disorder and what additional aid we can get. — Struggling Parents in Virginia

Dear Parents: First, understand that your son is an adult and there is only so much you can do. Your goal should be for him to be able to hold down a job and live independently. Studies show that regular exercise can have a positive effect on the brain, so consider getting him a gym membership or a bike for his next birthday. It’s something your son may be willing to do for his general health. Also contact the Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation (ocfoundation.org), 676 State St., New Haven, CT 06511, and the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org) at 1-800-950-NAMI (1-800-950-6264)>

Dear Annie: My wife recently discovered that her father has taken up smoking again after having quit several years ago.

My father-in-law denies that he smokes, even though we’ve seen him do it at work, and the minute the subject is brought up, he becomes defensive and refuses to discuss it. My mother-in-law wants him to quit, and the whole situation is causing a lot of stress. My in-laws are avid readers of your column, and I’m hoping if you print this letter, it might help. What else can I do? — Concerned in Atlanta

Dear Atlanta: Smokers have to want to quit on their own. Nothing you say or do is likely to persuade your father-in-law to give up cigarettes until he is ready. It’s an addiction, and apparently, one he never quite got over when he originally quit. We’re sure Dad already knows about the risks of lung cancer and emphysema, and it won’t hurt for your mother-in-law to point out the hazards of secondhand smoke, since she is the primary victim. He should know that his family loves him and wants him to be healthy, but beyond that, there’s really not much you can dB>

Dear Annie: Please reconsider your answer to “Really Annoyed,” the seventh-grade boy who is being pestered by his classmate, “George.” While the advice is appropriate if George is merely socially awkward or possibly suffering from Asperger’s syndrome, my experience with middle school students is that the behavior more closely matches the typical “grooming” behaviour of a sexual predator.The in-class back massages, the controlling behaviour (including George’s praise of the writer), his constant conversations about the Internet, books, TV and movies, his persistent “following” behaviour, and George’s intimidating physical size are all very well-documented danger signs of a possible impending sexual assault.

George’s behaviours may be benign, but “Really Annoyed” should speak to a counsellor, therapist, parent, teacher or other trusted adult immediately, rather than trying to resolve the problem on his own. — R.C.Dear R.<$> We shudder to think a boy of 11 or 12 would be so adept at sexual grooming, and if you are correct, it would indicate that George has been a victim of abuse himself. We hope this is not the case. We suggested “Really Annoyed” discuss this with his school counsellor, and we trust he will.