Dear Annie: I am a 30-year-old woman and have been living with "Michael" for seven months. We have been dating nearly two years.Our relationship is pretty good, except for one thing. Michael has an anger management problem. He never has hurt me, but he throws things. One time, he couldn't get the fire started in the grill, so he threw the lighter stick in the neighbour's yard. Another time, he had car trouble and proceeded to kick the wheel until the hubcap fell off.

Michael is an educated, articulate, charming man who openly admits he has a problem with his temper. He said he went for counselling in the past, and if he goes again, they will only tell him things he already knows.

I am not afraid for my safety, but I don't want him to hurt himself or get into trouble. His sister told me their mother also had a terrible temper and threw things, so it is easy to see where this comes from.

I love Michael so much. What else can we do? — Cautiously Optimisti>Dear OptimisticB>Anger management classes work when the person is determined enough to consistently employ the techniques taught. Michael doesn't seem all that interested in putting the necessary effort into modifying his behaviour. His temper may never get worse than it is right now, but it's also possible he'll throw a wrench in the direction of your head. You cannot fix this. Unless Michael is willing to do more work on his temper, your only choice is whether or not to stick around.

Dear AnniI am 22 and recently got engaged. My fiance is Catholic, and I am Baptist. As a Catholic, my fiance is required to get married in a Catholic church. I don't mind doing this for him.My parents, who were planning to help me with the wedding, refused to pay for a Catholic ceremony, so my fiance and I decided to have two ceremonies — one Baptist and one Catholic. However, after telling my mom, she said two weddings would be a humiliation. She said if we had any kind of Catholic ceremony, she and my dad were not going to pay, plan or participate in our wedding at all.

I don't mind paying for my own wedding, but I want my parents to be a part of it. Having a Baptist wedding instead of a Catholic one is not an option. I don't know how to keep everyone happy. What can I do? — Engaged and AeDear Enga: You cannot keep everyone happy, so decide whose happiness means the most to you. We think it should be your fiance's. It would be wonderful if your parents decided to participate in some way, but if not, please understand that when you choose to marry, it means putting your future husband before all others.

Dear Ae: I am a truck driver and would like to take a moment to list some of the DOs and DON'Ts for people driving automobiles.1) Please do NOT tailgate a truck. If you can't see our mirrors, we can't see you.

2) Stay out of our blind spots. We average 73 feet long, and have many more, not to mention longer, blind spots than an automobile.

3) Do not cut a truck off when changing lanes or entering into traffic. We can be as heavy as 80,000 pounds and cannot make quick stops. An automobile will NOT win in this situation.

4) A truck cannot accelerate quickly. Please use caution when trying to pass, and don't linger while passing. Also, do not pass on the right, and never pass on the shoulder.

5) Women are becoming major contributors in the trucking industry. Please, when you see one of us driving a truck, don't gawk. We are doing our job, which is delivering the goods that you buy in the store every day. — Female ckerDear Tker: Thanks for the great tips.Deannie: Five years ago, my mother-in-law moved in with us after my father-in-law died. Mom was capable and strong then, but over the last few years, she has lost her short-term memory and can no longer do much for herself. She's become very dependent on us. My husband works long hours, and he often has to leave work early to go with Mom to her doctors' appointments. Someone has to stay with her, because she can't remember what the doctor says. This is starting to become a strain.Mom has four other kids, but the burden has fallen on us. Two daughters live in our city. One invites Mom for dinner about three times a year. The other daughter does absolutely nothing. The older son and his wife live only 30 minutes away, but they see Mom only a few times a year. The youngest sibling is so filled with self-pity that she cannot help anyone, and worse, she continually puts more strain on her 80-year-old mother.

The siblings all speak to Mom over the phone, but not one of them has ever asked us how things are going or offered to help. Of course, they would be the first to stick their noses in if we didn't do something right. How do we get them to see that Mom is slipping fast and we need their help? — Left Holding the Bag iew York

r Annie: Just how far does a person have to go to right a wrong? The "wrong" was a squabble over a card game. We were equally at fault. I have apologised over and over, but the other person cannot forgive or forget. I've tried phoning her repeatedly, and she hangs up on me. I have also written.More than a year has passed, and it makes me sad that she must be working hard at this grudge in order to continue to treat me the way she does. Why would she do this? —lorida Fanr Florida: Your ex-friend is nursing a grudge because it gives her satisfaction to do so. Some people like being victims because it makes them feel important. If she is happy to stay angry over something so trivial, the friendship is not worth grieving over any longer. You've done all you can.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, long-time editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questiono anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, PO Box 118190, ChicagIllinois 60611.