Hello Bermuda. I hope you are all enjoying the warm, humid, summer weather that this June has afforded us. In the wake of Father’s Day, I want to refocus on fathers, their role and their impact on children. About a week ago I attended a Father’s Day Picnic that my son’s school was having at Clearwater Beach. What a great idea; the school does a great job putting on events and activities that involve the parents, grandparents, guardians, and extended families of its students. However, not all of the children’s fathers were present. To some this might not sound like a big deal, but what told me that it is a big deal was when I heard three of the children, whose fathers were not there, making comments about wondering where their fathers were — why they were not present and wishing they would turn up.

It was really sad listening to the teachers having to cover for the dads who were not there, making up stories or telling the kids not to worry, their daddy will turn up soon. It made me glad that I turned up and always turn up for these events. Some years ago, before I became a father, I promised myself that my child would not be the child who has no father present at events where every other child’s father is in attendance. Thankfully, so far I’ve been able to keep this promise. More on this after the Top 20.

Up to number one is Buy You a Drank (Shorty Snappin), by T Pain featuring Young Joc. This track has had an excellent and successful run atop international music charts and is doing well here in Bermuda.

Give it to Me, by Timbaland featuring Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake, tumbles one spot to number two.

On the way down at number three is>Glamourous<$> by Fergie featuring Ludacris. Be sure to check out and collect the dance mixes. Y’all know that I like Fergie but the main reason is because her music kicks. Yeah, right! No, really her music is hot.

Like a Boy by Ciara drops to number four. Ciara too has a cool style and her production team has done well for her, as she now owns an impressive collection of hits.

Quietly advancing to number five iI>Beautiful Liar by Beyonce and Shakira. You just have to like these two divas, they bring it.

On the way up at numbersix Because of You, the new one from Ne-yo.

Climbing to number seven is Pop, Lock & Drop<$>by Huey.

Falling to number eight is This is Why I’m Hot, by Mims.

In number nine position this wees Please Don’t Go <$>by Tank.

On a dance tip, down to number ten is Automatic by Ultra Nate. Dropping to number is With Love by Hillary Duff, another house joint. Slipping to number 12 is gate<$>, a smoking dance tune by Ricky Martin.

Climbing to number 13 is Like This, the huge, monstrous hip hop anthem from Kelly Rowland featuring Eve. This song has a smooth, rolling baseline, catchy lyrics, two hot female artists and it makes you wanna dance. On the way down at number 14 is Llowith Get it Shawty.

Falling to number 15 is Buddy by Musiq Soulchild, one of the most talented artists around. Slipping to numb16 is I’m a Flirt, by R Kelly featuring T.I. and T-Pain. Slipping to number 17 is L Night <$>by Diddy featuring Keishia Cole. Now, the hit by the young Bermudian with so much potential - up to number 18 is I’m Free by Bermudian CanjalTaylor. Party Like a Rockstar <$>by the Shop Boyz advances to number 19.

Now, this week’s essential new joint. In at number 20 is Umbrella, by Rihanna featuring Jay-Z. What a team — the young diva and her all-star producer, rapper, man-who-found-her. Great song, check it out.

Now back to this week’s word — the importance of fathers being present in the lives of their children. One of my Father’s Day presents this year was Sydney Poitier’s autobiography, which intitled, The Measure of a Man. <$>Well, I actually received the present in advance and have read it already. The main message that I remember from the book is an extension of the title, which goes like this:

“The measure of a man is in how well he takes care of his children”.

I decided to make this message a separate paragraph, underlined and in bold typeface, to outline its profoundness and importance, in the hope that it will reach fathers everywhere. If a person wants to give good gifts to a man, that will last a lifetime (if he will read them), buy him books on fatherhood.

Mr. Poitier’s book and its message, whilst profound, only scratch the surface of a father’s responsibility, but if a man does nothing else in his life, if he at least provides for his children to the best of his ability, then he is, in my eyes, a good man and a good father.

Some dads just don’t realise that their kids are reaching out to them, for them, longing just to be around them, spending time with them, any time. Sadly, most of the men in prison, when asked if they have a relationship with their father, say ‘no’. This speaks to the need to have fathers involved in the lives of their children, whether they are boys or girls. Some men think that if they have daughters they need not be around so much. This is flawed thinking; statistics show that many girls who have no relationship with their father or have no father figure in their lives often have major issues in intimate relationships with men.

Many of these women don’t understand what role a man should play in a loving relationship with her. They further often don’t understand their role, because they had no example, due to the absence of a man in the house in which they were raised. Many of these women make bad decisions when choosing partners, partly due to the absence of a father or father figure. So, dads need to be around, whether they have sons or daughters. But let’s go back to that school picnic.

There was a guy who turned up at the picnic, but instead of spending time with his son, left his son with the other children and slipped off to the east of the picnic, with a friend, out of sight and we can only imagine what he was doing. Then, when he was with his son, he went to the bar and stood there for several minutes buying and drinking a beer, whilst his son was tugging at him and begging him to do something fun. These types of guys should just not have children!

So, the message here to men is that if you think you want to have children, speak to someone who is already a father and who is doing a good job of it. Ask that person what is really involved in being a dad. It is actually very hard work and involves many sacrifices. Those who are not prepared to make the sacrifices and put in the required time should just not have children.

I think people know if they can do something or not. Do your potential child a favour and if you are not sure that you can make the commitment, provide the funds, pay the bills, support the child and the mother, provide love and discipline — make sure you wear a condom, get a vasectomy or do whatever you must to make sure that you don’t have children. Otherwise you will be bringing a child into this world who didn’t ask to be here and you will be creating a difficult life for that child and its mother, when this is so unnecessary.

My harsh words are not just for Bermudian fathers, because one of the kids who was asking the teacher about his father’s whereabouts was the child of two Caucasian expats, who I know fairly well and both of whom are professionals. The mom dropped the kid off at the start of the picnic, which started at 9.30 a.m., and when I left, at around 1 p.m., his dad still had not turned up. Now, I don’t know if he turned up for the last hour, but even if he did, the dad missed 80 per cent of the party and a great opportunity to spend some quality time with his kid.

Sometimes parents who would like to attend more of their children’s school events are not encouraged to do so by their employers.

Employers must be more supportive of employees who must attend these kinds of commitments for their kids. Some employers give their staff a tough time and no support for these types of events. This is wrong, because if they don’t allow their employees to be involved in their children’s lives and events, these could be the very same children who grow up to engage in crime and anti-social behaviour, which will ultimately impact the employer or his family at some point. It affects everyone in society. When one of us is harmed, it affects all of us.

On a more positive note, I must congratulate the fathers who did turn up. It did involve taking a vacation day or a half day, but it was worth it and fathers should have no hesitation in taking off some time for their kids. The best gifts a father can give a child are the gifts of his time, his knowledge, his wisdom, his love, his protection, his strength, his discipline and the gift of loving that child’s mother. This is deep, but it is also true.

The last thing I want to say on fathering is that men should seek the word of God for guidance on how to be a father. Everything a man needs to know about being a father is written in the Bible, if we would only read it and digest its teachings. May God guide, direct and watch over all of our men, and make them great dads.

Peace...DJLT.