Dear Annie: A few days ago, I received an anonymous letter from a woman who stated she was having an affair with my husband. She wanted me to know, because she felt if I knew he didn’t love me anymore, I would leave him. She further stated not to ask him or his co-workers about the affair, as they would all deny everything.I have been with my husband over 15 years, and he has never done anything to make me question his faithfulness. He claims he’s never had any interest in anyone else and has never cheated on me. When he is not at work, I can account for his every minute. But my husband is not tied to a desk at his job, nor consistently supervised, and this woman says she sees him during the day.

My husband says someone is just being mean and spiteful, and as much as I want to believe that, there is a part of me that keeps wondering if I’m living a lie. — Dazed & Confuse>Dear Dazed$>An anonymous letter? Don’t verify it with co-workers? This sounds like a classic crank letter to us. There are some very sick individuals who think it’s funny to send anonymous letters or make late-night phone calls to women and claim the husband is having an affair. If your husband has never given you a reason to suspect him, we urge you to throw this letter in the trash and forget you ever saw it — before it causes the exact damage you want to avoid.

Dear Anni<$>My parents’ 50th anniversary is coming soon. They haven’t had the most pleasant of marriages. My father has always been disrespectful and verbally abusive to my mother and to us. He usually ruins any gatherings we have.My father recently told me of their neighbours’ 50th anniversary surprise party, and he seemed to be dropping hints. I don’t want to feel guilty about not planning an anniversary celebration. My mother has never enjoyed these events, although my father loves being the centre of attention and making a big splash. I cannot afford to pay for such a celebration alone, and I assure you, I won’t get any help from my siblings. However, the closer I get to the date, the more I doubt my original convictions. I don’t want people to think I’m an ungrateful child, but my heart really isn’t in this. Any suggestions? — Unwilling Daugr<$>Dear Daughter: You are not obligated to throw a big party for your parents’ anniversary, regardless of their relationship. This is especially so if you cannot afford it and your mother doesn’t want it. Since it is a special occasion, however, and you feel obligated to do something, take your parents out for dinner at a nice restaut.

Dear Annie: <$>My father was in the exact same relationship that “Loving Daughter” wrote about and actually married the nasty woman. Your answer was right. Her father has chosen the relationship with “Sherry” over his children. It is difficult to accept, but he is well aware of the choice he is making. It took me many counselling sessions to accept that fact, and it wasn’t a comfort to know the truth.My father stayed in that relationship until he died. When his wife was out of town, he would visit us, but she never knew. When he discovered he was terminally ill, he contacted my brothers and me and apologised for what he had done. He acknowledged that the blame was not all on his wife — that he had made the decision to stay with her at our expense. — Another Loving Daught/B>Dear Daughter: It’s terribly sad when parents insist on being with someone who rejects their children, yet it happens often. Your advice to get counselling is good. Thanks for being the Voice of Experience.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, long-time editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox[AT]comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, PO Box 118190, Chicago, Illinois 60611.