Oftentimes when we think of Christmas, we are reminded of family gatherings complete with good food, merriment and the giving and receiving of presents. But for many of us in Bermuda, Christmas can be a time of stress, searching for the perfect gift for our loved ones who seem to already have everything. The following is one couple’s story of the ultimate gift of love and the legacy they have created.

Although their families lived on Friswell’s Hill, Brenda Smith and Ken Richardson did not formally meet until one September at the Annual Bermuda Dance held in New York City, while they were both studying. Both admit that even though there was no initial attraction that night at the dance, they enjoyed talking and exchanged addresses. They began a correspondence which laid the foundation for a deep friendship and evolved into an old-fashioned courtship.

Following a two-year engagement, Brenda and Ken wed on December 25, 1966, at St. John’s Anglican Church. What would lead a couple to marry on Christmas Day? They reflect:”One Christmas morning, our nephew Mark, who was merely a toddler, was found in the family water tank where he had drowned. Both of our families were extremely close to him and were devastated by his death. As a result, Christmas ceased to be a joyous occasion or a time for celebration for our families.”

Two years after this tragedy, the young couple married on Christmas morning in an attempt to bring their families together over Christmas dinner.

Over the years, Christmas has turned from a day of sorrow to one of celebration for the Richardsons and their extended family. Brenda explains, “For us, Christmas is all about family. I love to decorate adding Christmas touches throughout our home.”

She adds, “In a way, our anniversary takes a backseat except for the fact that every Christmas morning, no matter where we are in the world; we can guarantee that Ken’s best man, Joe Stevens, will call to wish us a happy anniversary. Additionally, in celebration of our anniversary, we don’t eat at home, although I do cook a traditional Christmas meal for the following days.

“Instead, we’ve created a family tradition whereby we go to brunch with about 15 to 20 family members and then end the evening at a family member’s home where we sample an assortment of magnificent desserts and have a gift exchange.”

The Richardsons explain their view on family.

“Our love for our children has always been paramount. Furthermore, as family is important to us, we have both embraced each other’s extended families. How you accept your partner’s family makes all the differpartner’s family makes all the difference in the world,” says Brenda.

She adds: “The way I see it is if Ken is important to me then his family should be important to me. You don’t just marry the individual, you marry their history.”

So how has this couple managed to keep their love vibrant over the decades? What has been the cement that has held their marriage together? They do admit, albeit hesitantly, that although they have disagreed, they have never had any major disputes. They state that their love has been about teamwork and supporting one another.

They share the example that during the early years of their marriage, Ken was deeply involved in football, having been a founding member of Devonshire Colts. Because football was so important to her husband, Brenda chose to learn the game and eventually came to enjoy it. Over the years they strengthened their marriage through other shared interests which include a love of travelling, gathering with friends and family, watching television, gardening and their daily walks.

The greatest obstacle faced by the Richardsons during their marriage has been health issues. In the past, Ken had undergone four years of major surgery including brain surgery which resulted in paralysis and has undergone successful rehab and speech therapy. Brenda too has experienced three major eye surgeries. Through it all, they have supported and loved one another “in sickness and in health”.

What advice would they share with today’s young couples?

“To love a person there has to be affection, trust, respect and something practical, like dependability; sometimes young couples forget that.

“Trust is a crucial part of a healthy relationship. You need to be able to look forward to seeing the person at the end of the day. You need to be happy for each other and allow your spouse to enjoy their friends; be happy that others are able to love them too.”

Ken continues, “Many couples seem to throw in the towel too early. It is very difficult to recover from marital strife if you have not built a strong foundation. Every marriage will have its rough spots. In marriage there’s a certain give and take. You need to be willing to please each other. It’s about compromise and teamwork.

“We have built our marriage on a foundation of love, trust, respect, tolerance and a sharing of common values and interests.”

So how long has the honeymoon lasted?

They answer in unison, “Forty years this Christmas! Many people may look at us and think that we have everything materially yet our true wealth comes from our family and the friendships that we have created, many stemming from childhood. We live very simply and have simple core values. What’s important to us has never changed.

“It doesn’t feel like it’s been 40 years; we still love each other’s company. The key is that we have always planned our lives together.”