Hector must give some kudos to the oldest MP in the House, Louise Jackson, for demonstrating that just because she is in her 70s doesn’t mean she isn’t ‘down with the kids.’ During a lengthy and tedious debate, fellow member of the UBP David Dodwell>nearly sent Hector into a coma with his concerns that new hotel regulations should be drafted to deal with such worthy matters as elevator, computer and even ice machine safety. But the venerable Mrs. J had more pressing matters on her mind. Namely what the young ‘uns are getting up to in swimming pools. “There are all sorts of things coming in. We’ve got disco swimming!” she exclaimed. Recognising that the other members were looking perplexed, she duly enlightened them. “What is it? You are in a pool — swimming and dancing. Fuelled by alcohol... that can be dangerous. It’s a small thing, but it can happen,” she warned in doom-laden tones. Hector would like to invite Mrs J — famed for her own dance moves — not to knock it ‘til she’s tried it. THAT he would pay good money to see.

With the election nearly upon us it is of course time time for the politicians to be doing their upmost to being all things to all people. But Hector had to laugh at the efforts of parliamentary wannabe Darius Tucker who kicked off his statement at his press conference in Hamilton South with the immortal line: “Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening.” As the press conference kicked off in blazing sunshine at a very punctual 11.15, with even the UBP’s PR officer Don Grearson failing to get there for Michael Dunkley’s opening pleasantries, Hector’s spy was wondering why the apparent confusion over the time of day. With an opening like that how long before the electorate decides it is Good Night Mr. Tucker?

He is not the only one causing confusion. The All Bermuda Congress (ABC) splurged on a full-page advert to announce its platform which ran the gamut from highly laudable to pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking. Those enamoured with the ABC’s plans were directed to call a phone number. Eager to find out more Hector dutifully rang it only for a slightly exasperated voice to point out it was the wrong number. Apparently around a dozen had gone before Hector. Good start then. Now to persuade the other 40,000 voters.

So farewell Scott Simmons. The Premier’s expensive and less than prodigious press secretary has been replaced by former Royal Gazette reporter Glenn Jones. In the brief hiatus a strange press release popped up telling us our Premier had just been given a clean bill of health and planned to “return home to Bermuda where he will celebrate his 61st birthday. A quiet dinner with his wife Wanda is planned.”

The release went on to say: ‘The Party Leader said from Massachusetts this morning, “I will celebrate my birthday quietly and then on Friday move into another gear”.’ Hector has seen some strange press releases in his time but that one takes some beating. Aside from a brief but vague swipe at the Opposition it was devoid of news — unless one considers it news that our jetsetting, high rolling Premier considers it so noteworthy that he is spending time in Bermuda that he has to alert the press when he’s coming back.

Kudos has to be given to the team behind the Progressive Labour Party website (www.plp.bm ). The site is far snazzier than what the United Bermuda Party has on offer (www.ubp.bm ). But in particular Hector enjoyed the video about Premier Dr. Ewart Brown. Shots of Dr. Brown in his university years caused quite the stir among Hector’s female friends who particularly enjoyed photos of him having an Afro, wearing shades and taking the lead at Howard University events. Maybe if the UBP would put some shots of Opposition Leader Michael Dunkley during infamous Bermuda spring breaks the party could sway more votes.

Still on the PLP site, Hector wants to know what the UBP song is going to be? Because the PLP has jumped the gun and made a superb choice in The Staples “I’ll take you there”. It definitely had Hector’s feet tapping, it even had him thinking, ‘yea Dr. Brown you’re my Daddy!’

Hector also noticed on the site that among the video testimonials of Dr. Brown’s leadership, from members of the party, Minister Dale Butler seemed a little left out. Unlike other members who spoke of casual evenings and golf games with the Premier, Mr. Butler said: “Really, Dr. Brown and I don’t golf together or party together, we work together so I don’t have any light hearted moments.”Don’t worry Mr. Butler, Hector thinks you’re a social, fun person.