Foster carers reflect on making a difference in children’s lives
Two women have opened up about their experiences of working as foster parents in the hope that they can inspire others to take in a child in need.
Mabel Gonzalez and Sharon Hensdiek decided to foster under completely different circumstances.
However, both share a common sense of fulfilment in having helped vulnerable children who had no one else to turn to.
Ahead of Foster Care Month, which starts today, they talked to The Royal Gazette about what motivated them, what they were able to achieve, some of the challenges they faced over the years and their hopes for the future.
A combination of factors spurred Ms Gonzalez to foster.
She had experienced infertility challenges that led her to look into adoption in her native Chile but remarkably, she became pregnant with twin boys.
However, living in an poor area of Santiago, the capital, she saw young children enduring harsh conditions and decided she still wanted to help.
“I saw and experienced these kids with not much structure or help,” Ms Gonzalez recalled.
“We had a kid informally with us. We had very limited resources ourselves so we made a makeshift bed for him. We saw that child flourish; he must have been 3.
“Then we lost him as the mom took him back and we couldn’t do anything about it. That always hurt.
“Later on, I was already working as a teacher and I decided to go and look for him. He was living in an orphanage.
“I took him out when he was 11 or 12 and tried to help him, but it was already too late. He stole some money from us and it wasn’t working out — it was a very sad story.”
Her experiences of Santiago never left her.
Three years ago, Ms Gonzalez moved to Bermuda with her family.
Her husband was on a work permit and, unable to work herself, Ms Gonzalez found she had time on her hands.
“I felt this was a moment in my life that I could try to do something,” she reflected. “I had this idea for a long time, I felt there was a need and I wanted to contribute.
“I saw the Department of Child and Family Services website and reached out. They had an emergency case — two sisters, one was 4 the other was 8.
“It was a very, very positive experience. I was with them for seven weeks until the judge allowed them to go back to their mother. The only sadness I have about that is that I am not in touch with them any more.
“I wonder how they are doing. They were very, very sweet.
She added: “I am open to doing it again. For some weeks, we have been with a different case, a girl who is going to be 11. She is looking for permanent family.
“Our intention is to be with her as much as we can because she needs a lot of help. I’m discussing with the social worker and am observing the situation.”
Ms Gonzalez said that while it was important for foster parents to have social networks to assist in raising the child, there was support available from the Government.
She added: “The support that you are given, I feel, is very important.”
May is Foster Care Month and Bermuda’s foster parents will be treated to an appreciation tea on Sunday in return for their work.
Staff at the Department of Child and Family Services will benefit from a professional development series. Antonio Grate, the author of the book The Power of One, which aims to assist families in the foster care system, will be the keynote speaker.
Selena Simons, the foster care co-ordinator at the DCFS, said: “The purpose of Foster Care Month is twofold — to recognise our foster parents by shedding a light on the work they are doing, and to also highlight our need for more foster parents.”
There are 54 children now in foster care in Bermuda but there is a need for at least 12 more foster parents to fill a gap.
Ms Simons said: “There is a demand in terms of us meeting the emergency cases that come up, and there are also families that are considered high-risk who we would be seriously considering the possibility of foster placements for.
“So really, it is always good to have at least ten to 12 free, open beds available across the ages.
“Persons who are open and free for emergency cases are very useful to us during those holiday and weekend calls that we may get either from the police or from the hospital.”
Anyone wishing to foster must go through an application process that includes a medical assessment, police background checks, security checks through the DCFS, character references and a home visit by the Department of Health.
This is followed by a home study that is completed by a social worker.
Prospective foster parents must be residing in Bermuda but are not required to be Bermudian.
Applicants must be “mature and responsible”, with income sufficient to meet the needs of the family.
They may be asked to accept a child with special needs or behavioural challenges, and must be willing to let the child go if their own families are able to provide for them again.
Ms Hensdiek, who is a grandmother, has been involved in foster parenting for close to 20 years, having started out to help a family member.
She took on a boy who was a blood relative and then, about one year in, received a call from the DCFS asking for help with an 11-year-old girl.
Ms Hensdiek agreed to take her in and, with her own grandchild included, found herself caring for three children.
“The need was there so I did it,” she recalled. “I wouldn’t turn a family member away.
“When the phone call came about the girl, it was supposed to be an emergency case [short-term] but it just kept going. It was a challenge; I’m an older person on my own so it was a bit chaotic.”
The foster boy is now an adult and no longer lives with Ms Hensdiek.
The girl ended up being sent away to an intervention programme overseas but Ms Hensdiek stuck with her and joined her in online therapy sessions.
“She wanted me to do it with her and so I did. We would meet online once a week. It was for her.
“I went to visit her in that camp and spent some time with her there. She is not my foster child any more; she lives in Texas, but when she is home, she is at my house.
“Most of her teenage years were spent either in my house or in treatment centres. It wasn’t that bad; we had that connection.”
Ms Hensdiek said she looked on the child as if she were her own.
“She felt like family,” she said. “That is a goal for any foster parent, to make the child feel like they belong.”
Ms Hensdiek said despite the challenges, she has had a tremendously positive experience in making a difference in the life of someone who really needed it.
She encouraged others to consider doing the same.
She added: “If you are considering it, do it with an open heart and open arms, and definitely with no judgment. Just love that child because it is really love that brings them around. It is not easy — but love gets them through it.
“It’s definitely rewarding. I am retired now and I look forward to getting up every day getting her ready for school, going to the PTA meetings, ballet, tap … I do it all. It keeps me going.
“We have a connection, that little one and myself. It’s just awesome.”
• Anyone interested in finding out more about becoming a foster parent should call the Department of Child and Family Services on 246-7232 or e-mail Selena Simons at smsimons@gov.bm
You must be Registered or to post comment or to vote.
