“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”– James, 15:13

There are friendships that last a lifetime, even if you don’t see each other for a long time. Today a friend from my exchange student time 40 years ago sent me a friendship request on Facebook. I’m generally not a Facebook fan but it was delightful to reconnect with my roommate from college in America.

It was fun to scroll through his Facebook side and see pictures of him and his children and even grandchildren. I sent him a response with some information and can’t wait to hear more from him as well.

It’s been a real gift on my present travels to spend quality time and catch up with folks I’ve had the privilege of knowing my whole life, especially family and friends, some whom I had not seen for many years.

What I find beautiful is that even after years, it only takes us minutes to reconnect. There is a deep trust and familiarity. Perhaps you might have friends or relatives like that as well.

Of course, when old friends come together, one of the things we talk about is the time we shared together along the way. We check in with each other asking about present and past plans and people that connected us.

Connectivity is the name of the game. We are human, we are yearning for connection. We need it in order to thrive and grow into the people God intended us to become.

We exist to feel a part of something so much bigger than ourselves. And with real friends and family there is often a love and acceptance that allows us to want to be the best versions of ourselves.

We learn the dance of relationships, a give and take, understanding and looking for the good to build on. We allow our friends and family to influence us, we value them and we show that by spending time together when possible or finding ways to connect. We want to show how much we care. We might ask: how are you doing? What’s important to you? What are you doing?

Even though we all have several electronic media that keep us connected with those who are close to our heart, it is easy to lose contact for a while with friends we knew from the time before e-mail, WhatsApp and Facebook.

In the times when Jesus walked the surface of the Earth, people didn’t have social media. Messages were brought back and forth by messengers, either by telling or among the educated as letters as well.

The apostles used letters to stay in contact with congregations and friends they had met before, or were planning to visit. The New Testament contains some of those letters, but not all. The responses from the congregations or friends for example got lost.

Still, the letters show deep care and love. Just as Christ had loved his disciples. He had prepared them for the time when he would not be around. And he promised them to stay in touch, even after his passing and ascension. He even promised a true social media: the Holy Spirit.

Through the Holy Spirit, Christ would be connected with his friends even when not physically present. He would give them the right words to say and help them make healthy decisions.

All it takes is that trust I talked about earlier that friends have. This trust is what makes the Christian faith different from other religions.

Trust believes that the other person has my back, come what may. While religious people try to believe in “facts”, try to prove that their views are right, people of faith are more concerned with the promises and hope their faith gives them.

Martin Luther tried to explain this once when he said that even Satan believed in Christ’s virgin birth, death and resurrection, as he was around to witness it, but he did not put his faith and hope in it, that it could have saved him as well.

I am sure, knowing Biblical facts does not make one a Christian. In fact, Marx, Engels and Lenin, like many serious atheists today, read and knew the Bible very well, and used it to argue against the Christian faith.

Christians on the other hand put their trust into the promises of Christ. It is like a true friendship. I like to talk with Christ like with a friend, and I like talk of him as a friend, just like the old hymn “What a Friend we have in Jesus”.

We don’t need to see God to believe he has our back. Christ promised us that his father’s mansion has many rooms where we will be with him in eternity. He promised that his grace will be sufficient, that what he did for us, is sufficient. We don’t have to produce anything to get “a ticket to Heaven”. We don’t have to tithe, we don’t have to wear certain garments, don’t have to recite prescribed holy prayers, we don’t even have to be charitable, nor do we have to agree to all interpretations of the Bible from clergy, church presidents, bishops or popes.

All he wants us to do is trust in the friendship he offers. Of course like our other friends he would appreciate a call (prayer) from time to time, and us to listen to his messages (reading in the Bible), to be friends with his other friends as well (fellowship with other Christians) and support his church (stewardship) and show our appreciation for his friendship (worship), but it is not a condition for his friendship, grace, and love.

The blessings God pours out over us are not dependent on our tithing, morality, fasting, or daily routine. In Matthew 5:45 (NIV) Jesus says: “..[God] causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”

When we trust this promise, our faith will grow and the promised Holy Spirit will live in us, and we will change. Like the influence of our other friends, Christ’s message is at work inside of Christians, and it is a desire to change and become more Christ-like, though not to brag and become arrogant.

It is not about us, not about being a “good Christian”, but authenticity. Because we know that we all fall short and we all still have our deficits and faults, we realise that we truly depend on grace, forgiveness, not on works. We are saved by grace. It is after we realise we are saved that we will develop a desire to change, to bear good fruit.

Sanctification, how it is called, is just our attempt to respond to God’s love in a better way, by trying to love him as he loved us first, and our neighbour, whom he loves just as much as us. When we learn how to love, we don’t need any commandments, rigid rituals or prescribed practices, as Christ said, in true love all the commandments and prophets are fulfilled. This love will always consider what each other’s needs are, and how we might be able to meet them.

I am convinced that one day, when I have to leave all earthly friends behind, there will be a friend who will be waiting for me, and who will in eternity reconnect me with all those who loved me and whom I tried to love as well as I could.

• Karsten Decker is a German theologian with a double degree equivalent to an MTheol and MDiv. He studied in Marburg (Germany), Knoxville (USA), and Toronto (Canada) and comes from a united church of Lutheran and Reformed Churches. He was the pastor of Peace Lutheran Church in Bermuda from 2010 to 2017, and after returning from Germany is now the temporary pulpit supply at Centenary United Methodist Church in Smith’s