Dealing with relatives can be challenging and stressful at the best of times, and one thing that is common across the board is that no family is perfect. However, when someone in the family is primarily interested in another family member’s money and possessions, it can create tension, stir unease, and even damage relationships over time.

This kind of behaviour complicates the family dynamic, especially when you had a close connection with this person while growing up.

Now, before I get into the nitty-gritty of the article, I thought I’d share a situation from my own family. It all began when my grandfather was in his last six months of life.

Out of the woodwork came my dad’s cousin, whom no one had seen for the past 25 years, although Dad had been close to her when they were growing up. When she arrived on the scene, she claimed she wanted to spend time with her uncle during his final months.

From the moment I met her – coincidentally, I was visiting Australia at the time – I did not like her. It was very clear that she intended to charm her way with my grandpa in an effort to weasel her way into his estate after he died. She is what I call a “snake charmer”.

For those who don’t know the term, a snake charmer is a metaphorical way to describe someone with a special talent for charming, persuading, or manipulating others, often gaining influence or control over them.

Now, fast forward to today: grandpa has long been gone, his estate has been dispersed, and thankfully, the Snake Charmer was not successful in her attempt. Of course, no one has heard from her since.

Strangely enough, a friend of mine from England was just telling me a story that mirrored my own. Her Snake Charmer was also a cousin of her father’s, who came out of the woodwork when her grandmother was in her final few months, claiming a desire to reconnect with her aunt before she died.

However, this Snake Charmer charmed well, and by the time my friend’s grandmother passed away and the estate was being dispersed, a considerable amount of family jewellery had mysteriously already been given away – to none other than the Snake Charmer.

Although the grandmother had every right, while she was alive, to give away her assets before death, it was clear that the Snake Charmer had manipulated a dying aunt for financial gain.

The even sadder part of this story is that the grandmother had always promised her three granddaughters her jewellery, and has now left them wondering what they did wrong and why she would have changed her mind to give it to a niece she had not seen in 30 years.

The sad truth is that a Snake Charmer will only ever be interested in someone else’s money and possessions rather than building a genuine relationship. It is therefore important to recognise their characteristics and traits to help protect yourself and your family from being taken advantage of.

One common trait is that they often show an exaggerated interest in your financial situation. They might ask numerous questions about your income, savings, or assets – sometimes far more than they genuinely care about your wellbeing. This curiosity is usually driven by their desire to discover how much they can gain from you.

Another trait is that they tend to flatter you excessively, especially regarding your wealth or possessions. They might compliment your clothes, your house, or your lifestyle – all to make you feel good and lower your guard. Their praise is often insincere, offered only when they want something from you.

Additionally, a Snake Charmer relative might show little interest in your personal life beyond your financial status. They may not ask about your feelings, dreams, or opinions; instead, they focus solely on what you can provide.

Another characteristic of a Snake Charmer is that they are very persuasive and skilled at guilt-tripping you into giving them money or gifts. My father’s cousin did just that. She repeatedly told my grandfather how sad she was that he did not come to her wedding, and I happened to be within earshot one day when she said, “I thought you didn’t like me, Uncle Ted, and that is why you didn’t come.” Classic Snake Charmer move!

A Snake Charmer loves to remind you of past shortcomings or favours to make you feel guilty for not doing something or helping them. This kind of manipulation is common among those motivated by greed rather than genuine affection. They are often quick to take advantage of your kindness or generosity, expecting you to always be there for them financially.

A Snake Charmer often displays a lack of gratitude or appreciation for what you do for them. Instead of thanking you sincerely, they may expect more and never seem satisfied. They might also distance themselves when they don’t get what they want, only to return when they need something again. Their interest in your life is usually superficial; they tend to avoid engaging in meaningful conversations unrelated to money or material possessions.

At some point, when the time is right, the Snake Charmer begins to play their pipe and starts pressuring you or a family member into making financial decisions that benefit them, even if it puts you in a difficult position. Their focus always remains on what they can gain, rather than on building a healthy, reciprocal relationship.

The reality is that these situations are becoming more common. Often, people are afraid to talk about it, embarrassed to acknowledge it, or refuse to accept it – but burying your head in the sand is exactly what the Snake Charmer wants.

Although it is uncomfortable, from my perspective, the only way to deal with these situations is to confront the Snake Charmer head-on. You know their traits, you know their plan, but what all Snake Charmers forget is that not all family members can be charmed – and some are not afraid to bite back.

• Carla Seely has 25 years of experience in the international financial services, wealth management, and insurance industries. During her career, she has obtained several investment licences through the Canadian Securities Institute. She holds the ACSI certification through the Chartered Institute for Securities and Investments (UK), the QAFP designation through FP Canada, and the AINS designation through The Institutes. She also holds a master’s degree in business and management