In his early teens, Lance Tucker Jr began drinking heavily.

By 16, he was already an alcoholic.

At 19, with his mental health deteriorating, he was admitted to St Brendan’s Hospital. It took several visits before doctors at what is now the Mid-Atlantic Wellness Institute identified bipolar disorder as the cause of his struggles.

In the years before the diagnosis, Mr Tucker said, staff at St Brendan’s were kind but as they were unaware of his underlying condition, they would keep him for the required period and then send him home.

He didn’t realise the role alcohol played in his illness, and his drinking only made matters worse. He believes he was admitted to hospital more often than most people with the condition, often because his substance abuse left him fearful for his own safety.

“By 17, I was having nightmares that I was killing myself — vivid ones. I’d wake up sweating and terrified, not realising what was happening,” said Mr Tucker, who shared his story as part of National Depression and Mental Health Screening Month.

“I know the alcohol played a part, but somewhere along the line, I started waking up each morning wanting to die — and I couldn’t explain why.”

He believes it’s only through God’s help that he’s still alive — a message he shares often as part of Walk in the Spirit, the ministry he founded in 2019.

“Over the years, I dealt with not wanting to be here because I didn't feel worthy of life. I didn't understand who I was or who I was supposed to be in my purpose. And each time that I attempted to end my life, God kept on stopping me,” he said.

“In 2009, on June 10, I went into recovery after an alcohol and cocaine overdose. I was led into a 12-step programme, not wanting to be there. I just felt that it wasn't a life for me — a sober life without drugs.”

Mr Tucker said his addiction wasn’t limited to drugs and alcohol; he was also trapped in the cycle of self-destruction their abuse created.

“Throughout the first six years of my recovery, that’s what I battled with,” he said. “I battled with not knowing who I was, not wanting to know who I could be — and wondering how I could take my life.”

He believes God intervened. Riding his motorbike to a recovery meeting one day, he found himself straddling the centre line before crossing into the opposite lane.

“Another car was coming towards me,” he recalled. “I had to decide whether to swerve away or hit it head on. At the last moment, I swerved.”

Only once he arrived at the meeting did he realise the significance of his decision.

“I sat in a 12-step programme and cried my eyes out because I realised I could never drink alcohol or use again.”

Although he still woke each morning wanting to die, his life slowly began to change.

It took years before he realised what he needed to feel whole — a true sense of purpose in helping others. That calling led to Walk in the Spirit, the ministry he founded just before the pandemic hit.

He said the goal was to visit churches and schools with a small team to talk about drug and alcohol abuse, as well as mental health. In preparation, the group enrolled in a course at the Mid-Atlantic Wellness Institute to better understand how to help people struggling with depression.

Through that course, Mr Tucker said, he came to realise that his own mental health was far more fragile than he had believed when he was first given a diagnosis at 23.

He had once thought his illness was something he could manage easily, but instead found he was battling against frequent suicidal thoughts.

He learnt that his symptoms tended to worsen in cycles over several months, and that certain triggers could quickly send him into a depressive state. On difficult days, he said, he had to make a conscious choice to resist the destructive thoughts that once dominated his life.

“What I want people to understand is that there’s much more help out there now than when I was growing up,” the 55-year-old said. “But one thing I never wanted to do was go to therapy after my experience with St Brendan’s. I [thought] people wouldn't understand me; they wouldn't know how to help me.”

In 2008, he met “an angel” who helped him to build a relationship with God. He began praying regularly and discovered that, for him, it worked.

“I’d never cared about Him. I’d never cared about having a God to believe in when I could believe in myself and mess up my life the best way that I can, without feeling that it's going to be a sin — and that's how I lived the majority of my recovery. I've got 16 years clean of cocaine and alcohol.”

In 2023, he changed the name of his ministry to Stand Up in Christ. He said the group is available to speak at churches, schools, or with individuals who reach out for support.

Even with that foundation, Mr Tucker went through one of the darkest periods of his life a year ago. Depression, linked to bipolar disorder, made him feel he could no longer go on and that no one would miss him.

He began to feel better and went to a prayer meeting also attended by the “angel” who had helped him to build his faith. Once there, however, he realised he wasn’t coping as well as he had believed and decided to head to Warwick Long Bay and end his life. His “angel” followed him outside — a simple act that, he believes, saved his life.

“Her being there reminded me that I was still worthy, that God still had work for me to do,” he said.

In the months that followed, Mr Tucker’s general practitioner connected him with a therapist, and for the first time he felt safe talking about his struggles with someone other than God. Through counselling, he started to understand his patterns and triggers and learnt to reach out before things became overwhelming.

He now begins his mornings with gratitude and purpose.

“It’s taken a long time,” he said, “but I finally believe I’m meant to be here. I'm grateful today that I have a family that I know that loves me and would do anything for me. I'm grateful that I have friends that I can trust — that if I'm around them and I have an episode, I feel safe. I can honestly tell myself that I love me today in this moment, and I'm grateful for that.”

• For information on Stand Up in Christ, call or WhatsApp Lance Tucker Jr on 735-1069