“No we cannot go down to the store and get a dog.”
I’ve said that so many times in the past six months, I must say it in my sleep.
The dog conversation happens ...
“No we cannot go down to the store and get a dog.”
I’ve said...
“So what do you do for fun?” I asked my new friend.
“Oh, I straighten my kitchen,” she replied.
Straightening does not sound like much of a hobby. Was this wom...
“So what do you do for fun?” I asked my new friend.
“Oh, I ...
I know what Rumpelstiltskin did when his spinning straw into gold deal went bust, he started a line of children’s socks and sweaters.
These things have to be st...
I know what Rumpelstiltskin did when his spinning straw into...
I have a confession to make. You know that school that holds up traffic every morning? My child goes there.
Here is an inside look at what goes wrong, from the ...
I have a confession to make. You know that school that holds...
When I heard my daughter wanted to have a boy over to play I rushed out and bought a soccer ball.
I thought it was essential. Surely he wouldn’t find anything i...
When I heard my daughter wanted to have a boy over to play I...
On the first day of school my daughter came home with an athletic contract.
How is it even legal to make an eight-year-old sign on the dotted line?
The contrac...
On the first day of school my daughter came home with an ath...
Molly, flower, Jane, down there ...
When I was a child my mother had all sorts of euphemisms for your private parts. Yes, I’m sticking with private parts here.
...
Molly, flower, Jane, down there ...
When I was a child my mo...
By Slacker Mom
The teacher on the other end of the phone said: “Don’t be alarmed Mrs Slacker, but I just found your daughter smooching in the bathroom with Tomm...
By Slacker Mom
The teacher on the other end of the phone sai...
Whenever my in-laws tried to take my daughter fishing this summer it bucketed with rain.
She eventually solved the problem herself by fishing one of the guppie...
Whenever my in-laws tried to take my daughter fishing this s...
“Dogs are just like children, you have to give them a firm hand and lots of discipline,” the store lady said. She looked pointedly at the two children giggling ...
“Dogs are just like children, you have to give them a firm h...
It must suck to be an alpha mom. That is what I thought when my friend tearfully told me she had a 20-minute row with her daughter over clothing.
“She has a clo...
It must suck to be an alpha mom. That is what I thought when...
Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom.
It never fails; you can wait 20 minutes for a meal, and when it arrives kiddie wants to go to the bathroom. I haven’t had ...
Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom.
It never fails; you ca...
You’re just using me to win stuff.
That’s what my daughter said the first time I suggested she enter an art competition. She was six.
She was spending every wak...
You’re just using me to win stuff.
That’s what my daughter s...
“By the way, I need a brown shirt for school today.”
My daughter said this ever so casually as we were walking out the door, five minutes before school started....
“By the way, I need a brown shirt for school today.”
My daug...
Snap. Snap. Zip. Unzip. Shove. Squeeze. Sit. Squash. Zip again. That’s the sound of a student packing for college for the first time.
This Slacker Mom is an ope...
Snap. Snap. Zip. Unzip. Shove. Squeeze. Sit. Squash. Zip aga...
Here’s a pop quiz.
Your child has lost their school sweater on the coldest day of the year, only weeks after recovering from walking pneumonia.
Do you:
A. Send...
Here’s a pop quiz.
Your child has lost their school sweater ...
Fifty-eight — that’s how many pairs of shoes I have in my house.
I don’t so much step out in these shoes, as step on them at 2am on the way to the bathroom.
T...
Fifty-eight — that’s how many pairs of shoes I have in my h...
There’s a giant gulf between those who have children and those who don’t.
You can see this in the way people without children often confuse babies with puppies....
There’s a giant gulf between those who have children and tho...
Motherhood makes you develop skills you never thought you’d have.
Certainly, it’s done wonders for my coordination. I used to push my daughter in the pram in ...
Motherhood makes you develop skills you never thought you’d...
On the morning of my first sports day my mother took a very cute photo of me in a pink floppy hat, clutching my favourite teddy bear.
That was pretty much the ...
On the morning of my first sports day my mother took a very ...
There’s this television commercial of a child in a school cafeteria with a soda, opening a bag of chips.
The chips go everywhere and she’s embarrassed.
The pr...
There’s this television commercial of a child in a school ca...
One morning my daughter ran into my home office saying: “Mom, get off the computer I have to Google how to save the world, right now!”
She loves researching thi...
One morning my daughter ran into my home office saying: “Mom...
I’m definitely not a health food junkie. One of our house rules is: any candy received must be shared with mom.
However, I do have the occasional qualm about ca...
I’m definitely not a health food junkie. One of our house ru...
If you live in the East End you might have heard screams coming from my house. You might have heard: “Stop! You’re hurting me! Ahhh ... Leave me alone. You’re a...
If you live in the East End you might have heard screams com...
I’m not sure what the purpose of daylight savings ... whoops dozed off there in the middle of a sentence.
Springing forward in time is never fun, but it’s worse...
I’m not sure what the purpose of daylight savings ... whoops...
She wanted a monkey so we did what any sane parents would do, we bought a goldfish.
I explained to my daughter that the two had a lot of similarities, and thank...
She wanted a monkey so we did what any sane parents would do...
It was the sort of phone call you hope you never have to make during a play date.
“Hello, we’re just calling to say your daughter is blue, navy blue to be preci...
It was the sort of phone call you hope you never have to mak...
I pointed to the word “no” on a sign at the Botanical Gardens. My four-year-old daughter frowned and said: “Cut it out mummy!”
I told myself she was too young. ...
I pointed to the word “no” on a sign at the Botanical Garden...
When I was six, my uncle brought me a Paddington Bear from London. He wore a floppy hat, blue coat and yellow galoshes. Around day two of ownership, one of the ...
When I was six, my uncle brought me a Paddington Bear from L...
In the middle of my daughter’s dance recital I fell in love with the Pink’s song Funhouse I’m more interested in country music. I love listening to legends like...
In the middle of my daughter’s dance recital I fell in love ...
