Dear Carla,

I am so frustrated. How do you motivate a teenager to strive for excellence? I have two kids. Both are very active with their extra curricular activities and they both do well in school. Both have been diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) so it can be somewhat of a challenge, however both are very intelligent and when they focus do really well. My preteen does really well with school work as well as any activities. They participate and always gives 100 percent.

My teen has fallen into what I like to call Dumb Broad Syndrome (DBS) because she is more concerned about everything else going on around her and not what she needs to be focused on. It is getting to the point that I struggle being around her because her attitude sucks big time. She doesn’t have a phone, she doesn’t have Facebook and the only social media I allow her to have is Skype and even that is too much of a distraction. I know I can’t control everything she does but how do I get her to focus on the important stuff like her education rather than the social world around her?

I am not sure what else to do and I feel shipping her off to boarding school will only make matters worse. Her father and I are no nonsense parents and very supportive of both kids but her father is starting to take on the attitude that she will end up like a lot of others before her with children and no real education or job to survive and I don’t want that for her.

HELP!

Dear Help,

Your daughter sounds no different than many of the teenage girls I know, however her having the learning disability probably compounds it. Have you explored the way that that she is being taught? Is it conducive learning environment for her? How do her teachers interact with her interpersonally? Are they encouraging her? You said that both of your children do well so maybe some of what you see is just normal teenage behaviour. Technology and social media does not make it any easier either. Encourage dad to keep the faith and not to turn his back, or even appear as if he is, for she can become what she thinks he perceives her to be. Keep the faith.

Hey Carla, as a coach and someone who’s passion is working with our young people I am getting a little concerned with the manner in which our Island is going about the marijuana debate. I believe everyone has the right to choose how they treat their bodies and I neither condone or support the use. What I am worried about is this.....if we relax the laws and our young people are allowed to posses small amounts of the plant, will the companies that we want to work for once we have hopefully finished college relax their drug testing rules?! I think we need to think long and hard before we rush forward shouting ‘legalise it’. From my experience working with young people we are already at a disadvantage living on an Island that caters to the foreign ‘professional’ more than it invests in its own people ... will we further burden our next generation when they can’t get a position at an ‘elite’ company because they can’t pass a “drug” test?

JUST A THOUGHT

Dear Just a Thought,

You raise an excellent point regarding the potential for fallout from people making a choice to indulge, perhaps even more, should marijuana consumption become decriminalised. However, I would think that companies may choose to relax their policies but on the other hand, they are not obligated to do so. Our people, young and old, must realise that if they choose to participate in the behaviour, there is a potential for fallout. If they choose to take the risk, they have to be able to accept the consequence. Employers do not have to relax their policies unless the law mandates that they must.

Dear Carla, I hate that I’m questioning myself but whose responsibility is it to make arrangements to have your child on the said court ordered day?

FRUSTRATED

Dear Frustrated,

And ideal answer would be that both of you should be able to work together in order to ensure child gets to see non-custodial parent. I think there are variables to consider though ... do you both have transportation, is the child old enough to travel to/from parent on their own? Assuming the child is a little one, I think that the answer is twofold. The parent who is receiving the visit to do everything to ensure that they maintain their commitment to get to the child to pick them up. I don’t feel the custodial parent should have to chase them all over the place in order to make the visit happen.

However, they should try to accommodate the parent who doesn’t have transportation when needed. It is vital to keep the best interest of the child(ren) in the forefront at all times. Although it may seem frustrating at times, do not disappoint your child by refusing to cooperate with the non-custodial parent.