It’s our culture and most likely true for all cultures, that we feel duty bound to look after our loved ones who take ill or whose health is impaired.When a person has a stroke, for instance, their children and spouse don’t usually cut their ties and leave the victim alone. This is considered cold and callous and doesn’t even occur to most people as an option.Caring for a loved one is a part of what it is to be human, but when that entails actually having to look after the person for extended periods of time, the caregiver’s health can be at risk.It’s the main reason the pilot project Hilary’s Place was created. It is named after Hilary Soares, the founder of PALS.‘’It’s a resource/respite centre for family caregivers,” said Marian Sherratt, the project’s coordinator.Opening tomorrow, Hilary’s Place, at WindReach, in Warwick, will happen every Wednesday from 10am to noon.It will function much like a Meet-a-Mum Association with the idea being that family caregivers will have an opportunity to meet with each other and enjoy a break with others who understand the challenges they live with.“What we are finding is that respite can be as simple as a cup of coffee or a kind word as it gives support and validates the family caregiver,” said Mrs Sherratt.And family caregivers in Bermuda are an often overlooked and undervalued group.Specialists in long term care, nurses Mary Jo Farrow and Anita Furbert, of LTC Solutions, agree that family caregivers on the Island often suffer isolation and frustration.“When people start caregiving for a family member they tend to ignore their own personal everyday needs and become consumed with the care and needs of their loved one,” said Mrs Furbert.“There’s isolation and fatigue because the family caregiver is working 24/7, 365 days a year. When is their day off? They don’t have a day off. As a family caregiver the needs of the person being cared for are knitted into the life of the caregiver,” said Mrs Farrow.Not only are these situations isolating they can also be mentally and physically tiring for caregivers.An Alzheimer’s patient, who has lost the ability to do rudimentary things like make a simple meal, wash or groom themselves can frustrate a loved one caring for them.And according to Mrs Farrow frustration is common in situations where the roles have changed, like where a child is caring for a parent or where one spouse has to alter their role in the relationship.“A change in the loved ones routine is often the root cause of the frustration,” said Mrs Farrow.She said when a daughter or son has to care for a parent, their role changes, often resulting in them having parental responsibility for the parent.This change often affects the caregiver psychologically.They may feel deep down a loss of protection and safety from that parent that they may not have even realised was there. Whatever the cause, the real problem for the caregiver arises when they fail to address their feelings. According to Mrs Furbert this is common.“Bermudians traditionally have been duty bound to provide care for their loved ones in a strong sense of duty. This strong motivator has often made some caregivers refuse help as they may feel it’s a sign of disloyalty,” said Mrs Furbert.But she said putting themselves first was actually healthy.“They need to deliberately take time out for themselves and engage in regular activities,” she said.“Regular breaks help caregivers in their ability to look after their loved ones as it reduces the chances of them becoming overwhelmed, she added.“They must really take up an extra effort to do self preserving things like taking a walk. Walking, for example, doesn’t just provide physical activity it can also give you time to think through things.“They really need to ensure they look after their health. They, for example, should eat healthy and not eat to relieve stress as this can make things worse,” she said.According to Mrs Furbert maintaining a healthy lifestyle and healthy habits also better equips caregivers to be able to handle the stresses of the job.“They’ll better have the ability to be able to cope with, for example, a person with Alzheimer’s or dementia who asks the same questions all the time,” she said.Both Mrs Furbert and Mrs Farrow believe the Hilary’s Place project is a first step in addressing the importance and value of family caregivers.“Hilary’s Place is the first of its kind. There are many support groups on the Island but they tend to be divided according to disease or condition, so that there’s a support group for cancer, Alzheimer’s, stroke etc. Prior to this there’s been no formal place where caregivers can go if they are just needing care and support for themselves,’ said Mrs Furbert.“I think it’s overdue in Bermuda,” she continued. “It’s been overlooked because traditionally people feel this is their duty. This is a support to them carrying out their duty.”Registered nurses Anita Furbert and Mary Jo Farrow are long term care specialists they own and operate LTC Solutions (Long Term Care Solutions). The women consider themselves healthcare coaches and coordinators who bring the resources of Bermuda to families in their homes.The pair offer home care plans that maximise the quality of life and independence of the impaired person. This may or may not include a caregiver.