Sometimes I see children in my practice. Not all children are conversational, especially with someone they have not met before. Occasionally, I will meet a bright young person, and I often find myself wondering if they have a vision for their lives. It is the fortunate child who has such dreams.Children who drift with not much of an idea what they want to be when they grow up usually just continue to drift. They drift in and out of circumstances, and the circumstances shape them. They “hang out”. They “hook up.” They drift from school into work into parenthood, and they still don’t have any idea what they want to be when they grow up.“What do you want to be when you grow up?” It’s an interesting question. Think about it. What do you want to be? That’s one thing. “…when you grow up” — that’s another.I don’t know if I’m grown up yet. I know that I know a few things that I did not know when I was a child. I’ve had a lot of experiences. I’ve been to several countries in the world and seen how other people live. I’ve learned that the way I used to think about various things needed a broader perspective, more flexibility, and more patience. Snap decisions usually just lead to snap glitches. Assimilating others’ ideas most often creates a better solution.Everything has its own pace; every situation is a process in which nothing remains absolutely constant. Once you’ve arrived you’re already in the process of leaving. But does knowing these kinds of things mean I have grown up?Inside I feel like the same person — the same subjective experience of being “me” that I felt when I was ten years old, sitting forlorn under a fruit tree in the back pasture, bummed out about being oldest of five children in what I regarded to be a screwed up family. Now, I’m an adult, but I might as well be sitting under that fruit tree. The only thing is that I realise the sense of things being screwed up has a lot more to do with me being screwed up than it does with other people being screwed up. Maybe that means that I have grown up.People are always developing. As I have noted before, we start off growing up, and then at some point we stop growing up and we start growing out. Our skin loses elasticity. Our hair changes. We begin to require help to see close up and read, to see far away, or both.So, in a strictly physical sense we never stop growing up; so, at what point can we say we are grown up? I think adulthood is an arbitrary destination that fools people into thinking that it’s a destination one reaches and then just inhabits all the time. Adulthood is a fictional place and we make it what we want of it, but I don’t actually believe anybody ever grows up.The other question, about what I want to be — now that I find much more interesting. What I want to be can be about what I want to be in the future (ie when I grow up), but it can also refer to what kind of a person one wants to be in any given current situation.An acquaintance spreads false gossip about you to several people in the community and it finally comes around so that you hear about it. What kind of a person do you want to be in that situation? Someone loves you and wants you in their life in a big way, but you don’t feel that way about them. What kind of a person do you want to be? Your boss woke up on the wrong side of the bed and dumps on everyone in the office, you included of course. What kind of a person do you want to be in that situation?Aspirations about our lives often go to what we want to accomplish or what we want to obtain, but they rarely go to what kind of people we want to be. When I was a child I realised I could get my friends to play with me if I created a fantasy that enticed them. It was what we were going to do, a plan about building a fort, making a ship, etc. When I got be older, that tactic translated into big plans that I was going to accomplish in order to feel like somebody. The problem was that the plans were always fantasies and never actualities.I grew tired of myself. I decided that that was not the kind of person I wanted to be. I did not want to be the kind of man who talked a talk that was not backed up by results. So, I decided I would talk only about those things I had accomplished and refrain from sharing too much about my plans and ideas for the future. After spending some time talking about my accomplishments, I did not like that version of being me either. So, I stopped talking about my accomplishments and tried to focus on other people — what were their aspirations, dreams, and accomplishments. I like that version of being me better.What kind of a person do you want to be? It’s a consideration for the current moment. We only live in the current moment; so, the issue is really what kind of a person do you want to be me right this very instant.I want to be a person who listens to others and has the capacity to imagine what life is like for them. I want to be a person who does not rush to judgment. I want to be a learner and a student. I want to be kind and considerate. I want to walk in step with the Holy Spirit and to commune so closely with God that what was true of Jesus could be said about me as well: The words that I speak have been given to me by my Father in heaven, and the works that I do are the works of my Father. That is an aspiration that to me surpasses all others and about which no one can speak of his or her accomplishments. That is the kind of aspiration about which only God can say, “Well done …”