Almost always, no matter how one writes about women relative to their goal of equal pay for equal work, men become defensive. This should not be. In today's society it takes two incomes to create a family, fund a family, enjoy a family, and raise that family to successfully leave the nest. Then, the real career to ramp up savings for a quality afterlife as real adults is just beginning!Having said that, it is hard to combat the age-old idealised societal norm where the Mom stayed home, manned the fires, cooked, sewed, scrubbed, chauffeured, scheduled, consulted on nutrition, childcare, eldercare, first aid, brownies for the bake sales, provided emotional support and maintained harmony for all those within the family.There are numerous statistics on the internet calculating the replacement cost of the stay-at-home mother around $138,000 per year (MSN Money staff October 2008) (1). These estimates have one major flaw; they assume that if there is no mother, someone else will be paid to provide these services. In the real world, that is not what happens. Very few families can afford to pay a professional substitute mother. You see the reality is that Moms work at home for nothing (2).We've seen those chirpily sincere articles in trendy publications regarding ladies (brilliant all) who have chosen to forsake their careers in favor of an all-encompassing homemaker role. They have a right to that choice, and should be respected for it. But, and I know it sounds cynical, but I never fail to notice that on closer scrutiny, these ladies can afford to stay home because the working spouse has a significant compensation package.We know that these scenarios do not apply to ordinary people, like ourselves, our friends, and neighbours, living ordinary lives.While the role of Fathers has not changed in our society, men are more stressed and pressured than ever. Social mores still subliminally send the message that a man is perhaps less than adequate if his salary cannot cover his entire family's needs. Yet, economic progress and circumstances have combined to revalue that equation as almost unattainable.1.http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/College–AndFamily/RaiseKids/ThePriceOfAMom.aspx2.http://www.homewiththekids.com/blog/2008/09/–can-being-a-stay-at-home-mom-cost-you-money/When was the last time you attended a retirement party, complete with the traditional gold watch parting gift? In our lifetime, we have seen long-term same-company job security vanish. You know the ones I mean increased vacations based on years of service, overtime, generous pensions, and employee benefits. These have been replaced by short-term, lower-paying, just-in-time jobs (they are no longer positions) that have (or will have) fewer benefits at a higher cost absorption by the employee.In the current recessionary environment, dubbed the mancession by the US press, men are tending to lose jobs faster, particularly as they age, than women. Traditionally, the ‘bring home the bacon' jobs for men have been in (I call them the physical trades) building construction and related industry trades, manufacturing, auto repair/engineering, and so on. These industries have shrunk through offshoring and severe demand curtailment while service jobs have taken their place. Even white-collar middle-management jobs have faced the axe as companies opt to vigorously trim every expense.What happens when the single wage earner family, the only breadwinner is made redundant? Along with this significant financial loss is the cessation of health insurance, pensions, and other employee benefits. The family is in crisis until someone, whether Dad (or Mom) finds some type of employment.Service jobs still exist across the compensation spectrum. Certainly, full-time careers are high scale and desirable for every professional candidate. However, part-time lower level positions are most often filled by women juggling the demands of family life. They seek these positions because of flexible hours, fewer deadlines, and ease of availability. Inadvertently, these jobs almost never allow enough consistency to accrue decent pensions, health benefits and pay increases.The stress in a recessionary environment is tough on all members of the family It becomes the new norm as families learn to adapt to their changed environment. The family needs both adults in the relationship to have employable skills that can be put to use no matter the economic circumstances.Those accustomed to the old ways think wistfully and archaically by lamenting the changes “the way companies treat people today is just appalling why in my day, Dads worked normal business hours, Moms stayed home and the family stayed together”. That modus operandi is no longer a viable option. With every low-GDP country aggressively soliciting industrialised nations for every piece of outsourcing available or promoting travel vacation hotspots, few employees receive all-inclusive employment packages and far fewer employers are willing (or financially able) to offer them.We all would like to be back in those idealised genteel days where the living was easy, women were simply beautiful, never looked tired, men were twice as handsome, and jobs were plentiful. Did they actually exist? Back then, companies and countries weren't competing against each other on the world stage.They say that it takes two to tango. Yes, it does, but it is more than a dance, it is a matter of sheer survival.This is the way of the world today. Families need relationships of equals, with each pulling their weight for, and in the relationship with equal pay for equal work.Next. And then there was one FROM WE TO ME. Coping with life changes when only one in the relationship is left by choice, by chance, or by fate, You still have to deal with it.Also, Living in the Single Lane. How do you set up a Support system when there is just you. Martha Myron, JP CPA CFP(US) TEP, is an international Certified Financial Planner™ practitioner in private wealth management. She specialises in independent fee-only cross border investment, tax, estate, and strategic retirement planning services for Bermuda residents with United States and multi-national connections, and US citizens living and working abroad. She is a Masters in Law candidate in International Tax and Financial Planning and the American Citizens Abroad Country Contact for Bermuda. www.americansabroad.org For more information, contact martha.myron@gmail.com or 296 3528 at Patterson Partners Ltd.