Skuuggh? No, that’s not it. Smuuggh? Nope, that’s not it either. How am I supposed to do an article on something that really drives me around the bend if there’s no correct spelling for it?Okay, somebody tell me how to spell that awful snort sound, you know, that sound people make when trying to clear their nasal passages while holding a conversation with you in the process.I have this co-worker who loves to come over to my desk for a quick chat in the morning. I don’t have a problem with that, he brings his coffee over with him for a bit of a chin wag, then out of nowhere he starts making this God awful noise in the back of his throat. So I stop talking, thinking like most people would, that he’s going to excuse himself and go the bathroom to get some tissues to blow his nose. No, instead he gives me one of those, yeah, carry on sort looks, so I do so reluctantly.Then ten seconds later there’s a another snort. “Okay, enough already”! I said to him. “Do you need to go and blow your nose”? He replies “No, why?” Then he sort of flicks the end of his nose as if to say do I have something hanging from it?I pause for a second, take my glasses off, turn my chair slightly towards him and say “Because you sound like a flippin’ pig that’s why!” “Don’t worry about it,” he says “I’ve got a bit of a cold that’s all.”Unable to take any more of this, I had to tell him “OK, you need to go and deal with that right now before I hit you over the head with my keyboard”. I then got one of those looks as if to say “What’s your problem”? and he walks away. Just then I hear a ping. Aah, an e-mail. I open it up it’s from the guy I sit opposite from and it reads “Well done old boy, you’re my hero”.Now the reason why I have brought it up is because it seems this is becoming more of an acceptable practice out in public. I hear it more and more often and it really ticks me off and don’t think for a second it’s only a male thing. No sir-ree Bob. I’ve heard some women do it too. I was surprised one woman didn’t have to get a toilet plunger to pull her nose back out what with all the suction action she had going on.Now, I’m not blaming my pig-nosed snorting friend in thinking that this sort of annoying behaviour in public is acceptable. I blame society, I blame the fashion trendsetters, I even blame the Limeys. Oh, and the French too.Let me explain, the snorting age came into existence with the demise of the linen handkerchief. There were days that no respectable gentleman or lady would leave the house without a handkerchief.During the 1900s, the handkerchief was a symbol of male social status and no true gentleman would be seen without one tucked into his jacket breast pocket along with his pocket watch.They were so popular that you could always count on the cheap side of the family giving you a set of handkerchiefs for Christmas. Men had as many handkerchiefs as they did socks. You had a handkerchief to blow your nose, you had the silk ones to put in your top jacket pocket, you could even buy a set; tie with a matching handkerchief. How cool is that?There is also the symbolic meaning of the handkerchief in other countries. In Japan, as in Sri Lanka, a man wearing a handkerchief is considered to be a well-educated person.In Jewish wedding ceremonies the groom is handed a handkerchief by the Rabbi showing he is prepared to fulfill his obligations as written in the ‘Ketubah’.A Hungarian bride will give her groom, on their wedding day, three or seven handkerchiefs as these are considered lucky numbers.In Switzerland, the junior bridesmaids lead the procession while throwing coloured handkerchiefs to the guests. Those that catch the handkerchiefs give money to the newly married couple for their nest egg.Then we went into the era of the disposal paper hankies that really are the most useless piece of garbage on the market to today. Hey, they come in all sort of colours and thickness, they even got some with baby oil in them. One good blow, and I would hate to be on the other side of the user ‘cause all I can say is “In-coming”!Now I can see you wondering how can he justify blaming others for the slow death of the linen handkerchief.Well, first I blame society — the hanky got some bad press, when people were saying they were unhygienic. Well, it’s not like you’re keep them in your pants pockets for weeks on end.Then I blamed the fashion industry. They dictate what we wear and they always screw up good fashion trends. Look what happened to the bell-bottoms.Then there’s the Limeys — you see, the handkerchief has for many years borne the brunt of the British seaside humour with the wearing of it on the head with knots tied at each corner along with the comedic image that goes hand-in-hand with pink lobster skin, small men and an overweight, bossy wife. These are the only reasons they got rid of their hankies that I can think of.Finally, the French. This little square of fabric has in the past had other uses for them — the white hanky has a downside you see, the French used it a bit too much in battle.So even with the germy bad press that our little white square of cloth has received, I say let’s end the age of snorting and band together and bring back that great fashion accessory, the linen hanky.* What do you think about this? What annoys you? E-mail grumpyoldman@royalgazette.bm — and don’t forget to keep up with Grumpy’s gripes on his Twitter page: https://twitter.com/#!/GrumpyoldmanMan