Imagine, you’ve just achieved a personal best then a voice says, ‘someone else did it better …’ Or you’re heading out to a social event and you hear, ‘who cares what you have to say?’ or you’re filling in a job application and there’s a whisper, ‘you’ll never get it, you’re not good enough’.How does that leave you feeling and affect your confidence? And what kind of person would say such a thing?Usually, only the critic that lives inside our own heads — that voice we hear that can put us down, keep us stuck and stir up unwanted negative feelings.Self-talk is part of our natural, normal thought process as we think about and interpret the world around us, a kind of running commentary as we assess ourselves and our situations. This internal dialogue is based on both conscious thought and also subconscious beliefs and assumptions. And whilst most self-talk is healthy, we need to be aware of and avoid the limiting and damaging effects of negative internal chatter. We can fall into the trap of thinking that all things we tell ourselves are true and facts when actually some are just skewed perceptions incorporating misinterpretations, generalizations, assumptions or limiting beliefs formed from critical/unkind/malicious comments we may have heard when we were young.That overly critical internal voice has been described in the coaching world as ‘our inner Gremlin’ and recently as our ‘Inner Mean Girl or Inner Bully’ (check out www.innermeangirl.com) … both apt descriptions.If we spoke to our friends the way we sometimes speak to ourselves … how many friends would we’d have left? Isn’t it reasonable that we deserve the same respect we give others? This means ensuring that we keep our negative self-talk in check, reduce its emotional impact and not allow it to interfere with us achieving our goals.Firstly, it is important to determine when our self-talk is so critical it’s unhelpful. Ask yourself:* Would I say these same things to a friend?* If not, why not?* Is this particular internal dialogue helpful in any way and promoting a healthy and useful response within me?If not, then it’s time to take action.To start, try writing down the negative things you’re telling yourself. As we list them, we often find that the critical voice is on a loop, repeating a lot of the same ‘trash talk’ over again.Take your list and challenge each mean and critical comment with these questions:* What is the evidence for this or against it?* Are these facts or just interpretations?* Am I jumping to negative conclusions?* What else could this mean?* What is the worst that can happen?* What is the best that can happen?* How will I feel about this in five years time?* If I were being positive, how would I perceive this? What would I say to a friend?Then ask:* What can I say to myself instead (just as often) that will boost my confidence and support me in achieving my goals?Find the evidence to support the positive self-talk and practice it. Over time it will become habitual and integrated into your belief system.So we know that our inner gremlin is talking rubbish, but it can still bring us down. How can we stop it getting the better of us? If we just try to ignore it, sometimes resistance breeds persistence and that voice may pop up even more. Instead, here are some simple steps to strip your gremlin of its power:1. Give your gremlin a persona … give it a name, perhaps something that makes you laugh when you think about it, or turn it into a cartoon character for example2. Pay attention and make some notes about your gremlin. When it speaks, notice: What are the qualities of the voice? Is it your voice or someone else’s? Is it male or female? Someone you know or a stranger? Is the voice fast or slow? Loud or soft? Is the tone harsh, sneering, sarcastic or what? Where is the voice located — in your head? Whereabouts in your head or body, can you pinpoint it? What are the words they use that hold the biggest emotional impact?3. Once you know how your inner critic usually operates, try changing it — this can reduce the associated emotional impact and the negative feelings. You can deliberately choose to alter the qualities of the voice: make them talk more quietly or quickly, change the tone, try moving the location of the voice around your body (maybe to your big toe), and try replacing some of the vocabulary. Play around and see what works best for you to reduce the pain of what it delivers. I heard of someone who turned their Inner Critic into the voice of an uber-suave, Chippendale. Suddenly this crooning Lothario only made her giggle when he told her what a bad, bad girl she was.4. Finally, try making friends with your inner voice. In coaching we believe that every behaviour starts with a positive intention, even if it ends up affecting us negatively. Ask: at its highest intention — what is this mean and lying voice really trying to do for me? Often we’ll find it is trying to ‘protect us’ in someway: stopping us from doing things to avoid disappointment in case they don’t work out, or avoid embarrassment, or rejection or hurt or loss or pain etc … you will find your words. When you’ve identified this positive intention, try talking to the voice (hey, we’re already discussing voices in our head so this isn’t any ‘weirder’!). Try thanking that part of your subconscious for wanting to protect you and keep you safe, then reassure it that you are pursuing positive goals and are prepared for the risk — that you’ll be OK. Sometimes, like a child crying for attention, when you recognise the voice for what it is, it will pipe down and let you get on with the successes ahead.As the old adage says: if you haven’t got anything nice to say … don’t say anything at all. It goes for you too. Turn that inner critic into your inner cheerleader. Refute any disempowering trash talk and instead try giving yourself a supportive hip-hip-hurray for a change!* Julia Pitt is a trained Success Coach and certified NLP practitioner. For further information contact Julia on (441) 705-7488, www.juliapittcoaching.com.