Arghhhhh! Have you ever been really wound up by something? Found yourself shouting instead of speaking? Felt like your blood was boiling and you might just blow a fuse?Someone once described a ‘red mist’ descending over them (and then they punched someone?!).That may sound extreme but I’d hazard a guess that whether it be a singe of ‘road rage’, a heated argument blown out of control, some injustice that burns us up etc, we’ve all, at some point, experienced a taste of anger. And for some it’s part of the daily menu.Anger itself is not “bad”. It is a natural emotional, physical and chemical response we have when we feel mistreated or something we believe in or hold as important is threatened.However, there are different ways of dealing with and expressing that anger: some positive and healthy, others destructive and negative.Anger is useful in that it helps us identify our values and what we care about enough to be willing to fight for.It can also be motivating. Anger can spur us on to champion a cause, give us that extra push to do something about a situation we feel is unjust, unfair or wrong, to speak up for ourselves or others and defend our rights. The trick is to use it appropriately to better the situation, rather than letting the anger get the better of us.How we deal with anger is a result of our personal beliefs about it. These beliefs are formed over time and are influenced by things like how we were raised and the anger responses we witnessed from others.What do you believe about anger and how do you cope with it?Everybody is different: some might believe that if they are slighted in any way they must immediately jump to an argument or even threaten violence in order to defend themselves and show dominance. Some might try to suppress their anger response completely, ignore the situation because they believe ‘they don’t deserve to be angry’ or because ‘nice people don’t get angry’ etc. And all variations in between.Neither extreme is preferable. Both uncontrolled and unexpressed anger can have disastrous consequences, not only on those around us, but on ourselves. Besides the obvious, like when anger escalates to violence, poorly managed anger can result in serious side effects on our health.“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die,” said Buddha.With a burst of anger we go into a peak state of arousal (physiologically primed by our primitive brain to ‘fight’) and the response in our bodies and chemicals released into our bloodstream can remain for several hours until we fully calm down, during which time we remain ‘on the edge’ as it were, with reduced tolerance levels and susceptible to further outbursts from even minor triggers.Researchers say that this physiological response can have an adverse impact on our immune system and on our overall well-being.On the flip-side, suppressing anger altogether and not dealing with an issue that compromises our values can turn inward and lead to resentment, unhappiness and eventually possibly depression.Here are some healthy steps for dealing with anger:1. Identify the real emotion you are feeling in the situation. Anger can often be a default emotion we jump to when we find ourselves outside of our comfort zone.It may not be anger at all but frustration, irritation, guilt, vulnerability etc. Once you are aware of the real emotion it is easier to see what is driving it. Does this emotion stem from fear, hurt, disappointment, a desire for control or significance? Is an anger response even appropriate here?2. If you really are angry and you have identified the trigger (your value or belief being compromised) ask yourself, ‘is this anger helping me to right the situation or is it being destructive and negatively impacting myself and my relationships with others?’3. Get the Facts. To help us see a situation more rationally, take a moment to look at the facts, suspending any assumptions, projections, generalisations, interpretations … just the facts.This helps to remove the emotion and see it more clearly and objectively to help us formulate a solution and way forward.4. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. To help us find an appropriate resolution to a situation we respond angrily to, not necessarily condoning but understanding the mindset and point of view of the people involved, and how the situation arose, can give us great insight into how to rectify it.Some top tips and antidotes to anger’s poison:n Air grievances as they arise and don’t let resentments brew and fester. When dealing with others, rather than being accusatory (which can incite an anger response in them), phrase your point in such a way that you own your response, eg, “I feel like (x) when (y) happens…”. Remember, nobody can ‘make’ you angry — it is the way we choose to respond.n Be aware of signs of anger in your body — clenched fists and/or teeth, flushed and hot face, tight shoulders, frowning, racing pulse etc. These can be first indicators of anger brewing and steps can be taken before it peaks.n Many of us find it difficult to think rationally in the midst of an anger response and can often speak or act before our better judgment kicks in. Practising relaxation techniques on a regular basis can help improve our rational responses to anger above the purely physical. Old advice like “take a deep breath” and “count to ten before you respond” still hold true.n In the spur of the moment … walk away. One physical response is to focus in on the target of our anger until that is virtually all we see, ready to fight it.Changing our focus away from the target will quell the response, removing the fuel from the fire. This gives us time to think and rationalise.n Do some sports. Physical activity helps rebalance our body chemistry after an anger response and can alleviate residual feelings of aggression.If nothing else, hit a pillow — not necessarily like Robert DeNiro’s character in that great scene from the original ‘Anger Management’ movie, but it is a simple way to release tension.n If you feel that you have an issue with anger that extends beyond these basic steps, be sure to contact a healthcare professional for advice.While anger management may seem more like psych 101 than coaching, having an awareness of our reactions, the knowledge that we can control them and tools to make them work for us, rather than against us, is all part of setting ourselves up for our future successes. Happy days!Julia Pitt is a trained success coach and certified NLP practitioner. For further information telephone 705-7488 or visit www.juliapittcoaching.com.