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Fathers have a cruicial role to play

This weekend is Father’s Day and I thought that this would be an opportunity to salute the fathers who are doing a great job and encourage those for whom there is room for improvement to do better.

A friend once suggested to me that where there are problems in a family, a household, a marriage; it is because the man in that scenario is not doing his job by being the leader in the family, the spiritual leader of his home, the man of the house. This has forced women in many cases to fill the void. Hear me out.

Children don’t ask to come into the world, so once you father a child, you have a duty to care for, raise, look after, love and protect that child. At its core, that is parenthood as well as the implied and inherent responsibilities.

We should acknowledge that there are many fathers who are quietly just getting it done, loving their kids, providing for them, educating them and raising them to be productive, well adjusted citizens who contribute to society as opposed to others who only take from society.

However, we still have far too many kids whose fathers are not doing it right, not spending time with them, not providing and not raising their kids. We have dads who don’t attend school sports days, prizegivings, graduations, football games, parent teacher meetings, etc.

I remember that it has been a tradition in Bermuda that moms typically attend all these events whilst dads are usually too busy or have something else on which gives them an excuse to not attend.

We have historically asked extended family members like uncles, grandfathers and godfathers (as well as aunts and grandmothers in some cases) to fill the void left by absentee fathers, but I have learned that extended family are nice to have present; but kids, especially boys, want their daddy present.

There are many things that a father should teach his son. These are opportunities that a man should not miss. For instance, a father should teach his son how to use the bathroom and how to cross his legs like a gentleman. A dad should teach his son about girls, relationships and women, from a man’s perspective. Sure he should talk to his mom about girls too, but this weekend is Father’s Day.

I am the beneficiary of having an absolutely amazing dad. Forty-nine years later this king of fathers is still watching my back, helping me out, praying for me, asking others to pray for me; basically being an awesome dad. So, Dad, Happy Father’s Day and thanks for being the great dad and grandfather that you are.

Being a good father can be contagious; because if you’re a great dad; chances are your son will be a good dad and if you have a daughter; she will know what to look for and more importantly what to avoid in choosing a life partner and a man to father her children. This leads me to the subject of men being good fathers to daughters. Whilst it is critical that fathers model good parenting for their sons, it is equally important that men who have daughters do not become absentee dads.

Little girls tend to be daddy’s girls and just adore their daddy. The bond between father and daughter, in a healthy relationship, is like the bond between mother and son and parents of both sexes fail to cultivate these relationships to their own misfortune.

Daughters who miss out on having dad involved often show this in making poor choices of partners, not knowing what a good man and a good father should be and should do. In some cases they date men looking for a father figure in the person with whom they are having an intimate relationship; which isn’t healthy either.

There is a notion that parenting stops when kids reach the age of 18 and people have made comments like ”I can’t wait until my kid reaches 18 so I can stop paying“. Wrong. When you become a parent, you never stop paying; you are a parent until you die. This is another reason why people should not have kids until they are emotionally and financially prepared for the full responsibility that being a parent entails. Too often people have children when they are not ready and the children as well as society end up suffering.

All of this to say that we as men need to step up and stand up, in greater numbers and fulfil our God given destiny as heads of our homes, as heads of our families, as leaders in our communities, as standard bearers, protectors and role models in our neighbourhoods and communities.

If we do this, our children, our women, our families, our neighbourhoods, Bermuda and we as men will all be better for it.

The Top 20

Making a huge jump to #1 is Can’t Hold Us by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis featuring Wanz

Tumbling to #2 is Sweet Nothing by Calvin Harris featuring Florence Welch.

Tumbling to #3 is Started from the Bottom by Drake.

Improving to #4 is Beam Me Up (Kill Mode) By Cazzette.

Up to #5 is When I Was Your Man, by Bruno Mars.

Slipping to #6 is Suit and Tie, by Justin Timberlake and Jay-Z.

Up to #7 is Sexy People (The Fiat Song) by Arianna featuring Pitbull.

Way up to #8 is Differentology by Bunji Garlin featuring Nigel Rojas, one of the hottest soca tracks I’ve heard in some time.

Sliding to #9 is Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis featuring Wanz.

Up to #10 is Leh Go by Blaxx and the Roy Cape Band.

Improving to #11 is Fog by Machel Montano.

Back up to #12 is Float by Machel Montano.

Up to #13 is A Little Wine by Patrice Roberts, which is still rocking spots a year after its release.

Falling to #14 is Scream and Shout by will.i.am and Britney Spears.

At #15 is Gentleman by Psy, a former essential new tune.

At #16 is She Ready by Machel Montano.

Down to #17 is F****n Problems by A$ap Rocky.

New at #18 is this week’s essential new tune, Get Lucky, by Daft Punk featuring Pharrell Williams.

At #19 is As Your Friend by Chris Brown featuring Afrojack.

On the way out at #20 is Hold Me by Ono featuring Dave Aude, a monster dance track.

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Published June 14, 2013 at 9:00 am (Updated June 13, 2013 at 5:43 pm)

Fathers have a cruicial role to play

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