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‘Mad’ mother wants ex’s parents involved in their child’s life

Dear Carla,

Ever since my child's father and I broke up he no longer sees or calls for our child. I was upset about it at first but then decided to stop calling him because if he wanted to be there for our child he would be. I heard he now lives with his girlfriend and her child. Of course this makes me very angry but there is nothing that I can do nor do I have a desire to do anything. My biggest problem though is with his parents.

They never call to see if their grandchild is okay, do not call to wish happy birthday or any other holiday. This bothers me a lot because my ex has an older child who they do everything for. How could they not care? I spoke to one of their relatives who said that my ex has told them a lot of lies that they believe which is why they don't want to be around my child. Should I reach out to them to clear the air or should I just forget about the situation?


Dear Mad,

Call them for what? To me, it's clear that they are not interested in your child because if they were, there is nothing that would stop them from being grandparents. Unless your child asks for them, do not communicate with them. I hear stories like this often so you are not the first and won't be the last. And never forget that blood is thicker than water so no matter what you say they will always believe their child over you. Be careful not to let your emotions show around your child because you do not need to transpose your feelings onto them. When he/she is old enough they will be able to see for him/herself. And if one day the grandparents — or the father for that matter — reach out to you to see the child, be mature and allow access.

Dear Carla,

How do I deal with this? Just like the majority of people I know I am on whatsapp (an instant message application). I enjoy it because I can talk to my friends and family both here and away within seconds. But I also hate the application because I feel people spend way too much time looking at when people were last online. I can't believe how obsessed people are with that feature.

It has caused endless arguments between me and my boyfriend and I because he feels that I am ignoring him or lying about being on my phone if he sends a message and I don't answer right away. I think this is the stupidest thing to argue over. I'm considering deleting the app from my phone but then that means I'll be disconnected from friends and family overseas. What should I do?


Dear About to be,

Get a new boyfriend. Who has time for such immaturity. He sounds like he needs a life. And quick.

Dear Carla,

Me and my sibling do not get along. We argue over everything no matter how petty. We have even told each other that we hate each other's guts. Both our parents are dead and would be appalled if they knew we ended up like this.

But truth of the matter is I can't stand her. And never did. My friends are always trying to make me feel bad because I make it known how I feel but I really don't. I feel there's no need for me to have any contact with her, especially since our parents are gone. Am I wrong?


Dear Can't stand her,

In an ideal world you would be wrong but I really don't think people have the right to make judgments about another's feelings. I will ask you however, to consider your actions because all that you have is each other. My siblings and I do not always see eye to eye but I will always be there for them no matter what. You guys don't have to like each other but at least respect each other and try to be cordial. Good luck.

Dear Carla,

I am seriously thinking of moving to the UK, but I have no idea where to start. I am educated, don't have any children and do not anticipate needing any financial assistance. Would you happen to know of any resources on the island or in the UK that I can utilise to find out more information moving? I'm sure there are many other Bermudians who could also benefit from this knowledge.


Dear Moving,

While I do not believe there is a set place on the Island you could look, I can guarantee you that you can do extensive research with a click of a button. The UK is vast so what I would do is firstly look at a map and explore some areas you may want to live in based on their proximity to London, the airport or whatever preferences you may have. Look at the population, the demographics and most importantly what type of employment options there are. Ask around locally; I'm sure someone you know can direct you to someone else who has left the Island. Ask them about different areas as well. Do you want to be close to other Bermudians? If so, Birmingham and Nottingham could be options. Do you know anyone already out there who you could visit? If so, go and see them and explore some places firsthand. You are making a huge life change so delve as best as you can. All the best!

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Published October 14, 2013 at 9:00 am (Updated October 14, 2013 at 9:46 am)

‘Mad’ mother wants ex’s parents involved in their child’s life

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