Turning up the volume on my suspicions
Dear Carla: I think that my boyfriend is cheating on me. Every time I go to his house at night his phone never rings. But let's say if I see him during the day it's on loud and sometimes rings. I've told him what I've noticed and he swears his phone is always on loud. But one night after he fell asleep I secretly called him from my phone (I blocked my number out) and it rang and rang. Or should I say it lit up because he had it on silent. I have not said anything to him but I feel betrayed. Should I? — Bad Vibrations
Dear Bad Vibrations: In order to determine if he's most likely cheating, you would have to paint a more comprehensive picture but the phone scenario on its own is not enough to make any accusations although I fully understand why you feel the way you do. I had a boyfriend who did that and it used to irritate me as well. He used to say that he did it so that our time wasn't disturbed but I didn't buy that! Where your boyfriend is concerned I suggest you look at the situation holistically. Is there anything else suspicious he is doing? Would you prefer he turned it off? Sometimes situations like these are no-win because you just won't see eye to eye. Listen to your gut. It never lies.
Dear Carla: What do I do about a friend who I think is using me for my money? My best friend is always asking me to loan her money for things, claiming that she's broke but yet she always has the latest stuff. Louis bags, the latest fashions etc. I have a problem with this because her bills are not up to date. I don't want to cause a rift between us but I think her priorities are all wrong. — Not De Bank
Dear Not: What she does with the money is her business so the solution is simple to me. STOP lending it to her. It's really that simple.
Dear Carla: Every time my girlfriend and I get into an argument she runs to her mother. Her mother then calls me lecturing. I feel this woman has no right to be in our business but no matter how many times I tell my girlfriend she still does it. We live together and I am about to tell her get out and go live with her mother. I am tired of this. We need to work things out alone. Not with anyone else. — Cut The Ties
Dear Cut: You are absolutely correct. Sounds like your girlfriend has detachment issues because her mother should not be included to that extent in your relationship. And mom sounds like a control freak; calling you is out of order. I think you should sit down with your girlfriend and lay it on the line. If she values your relationship she'll make changes. And the next time mom calls about a matter that shouldn't control her, politely tell her to mind her business and hang up.
Dear Carla: My 14-year-old daughter has had a growth spurt and she's developing into quite a shapely young lady. As cold as it is right now, all she's talking about is wearing a bikini this summer. Needless to say, I'm stressing because of all of these hormonal boys out there. Do I forbid her to wear a bikini or make her wear a shirt over her swimwear? One part of me feels like a prude but the other feels like I need to protect my daughter from these predators. — Stay Away Summer
Dear Stay Away: You have to face reality that your daughter is growing up. As much as you want to, you cannot save her from every peril in the world. Kids become sensible adults when they are allowed to make mistakes. This is a great time to start talking to her about your concerns. Offer to take her bathing suit shopping and observe her tastes. Guide her gently about what you feel are wise selections. Be careful not to damage her self-esteem or make her self conscious. Summer is a fun time for young people ... don't take that away from her before summer even begins.