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Help! My girlfriend drinks too much

Dear Carla,

I am in a relationship with a woman who I love dearly. She's good to me and we have a good time together but I have one problem with her. When she drinks she doesn't know when to stop and once she's drunk she becomes a handful. She's rude and nasty to me and says insulting things. But once she sobers up I remind her of some of the things she says and she's apologetic. Half of the time she doesn't even remember saying the things she does. I told her she needs help but she says she doesn't because she is a “social drinker”. This is becoming very frustrating and I'm on the verge of dumping her. I really don't want it to end but I don't know how much longer I can deal with this. What should I do?


Dear Tapped,

It's quite clear that she is in denial that she has a drinking problem. The question I have for you is are you prepared to remain by her side should she seek treatment? You cannot force her to get help but I suggest you continue to encourage her to take the step to attaining it. In the meanwhile, if you plan on remaining in the relationship with her, you should seek support from the local Al-Anon. Wishing you and her nothing but the best.

Dear Carla,

Recently I lost a loved one and I asked my boyfriend of three months to accompany me. He said he would come with me to the wake but would not come to the church because he feels it would make “too strong of a statement”. When I asked him what he meant by that he just said it's too soon. I was angry. I feel as if he is not committed to me 100 percent because if he was he would come. He said one thing has nothing to do with the other. My feelings are hurt. Should I dump him?


Dear Let Down,

Beyond anything else I can hear your pain. You feel as if he is not supporting you. But I think it's important for you to try and understand where he is coming from. There is no need to dump him; just sit down and tell him how you feel. And listen to where he is coming from. If it's a “time” thing ask him if he has any other boundaries or limitations so that could perhaps arise in the future, ie, family or work related events. There's no need to break up. Talk it out.

Dear Carla,

Today I was in town sitting in my car and there were a group of teenage boys standing nearby. I don't think they saw me sitting there because the expletives were flying out of their mouths left, right, and centre. I was appalled. Back in my day I would never have uttered such filth, much less in public. I sat there and listened for five minutes before I rolled my window down and called out to them. I didn't shout at them I just told them what I heard and that they should respect their school uniform (they attended a school rich in history). They were not rude. They apologised and went on their way. This is not the first time I've seen this. What is going on with our young people. Do they not care about anything?


Dear Disgusted,

Unfortunately this is becoming prevalent behaviour among many of our youth. It's sad but they seem to think it's cool. I applaud you saying something to them instead of turning a blind eye. It takes a village. Thanks for doing your part. I tell people all the time if you see any of my children acting the fool, please tell me. Next time ask them for their parents' names and do the same. Sends them a message that you are not playing with them.

Dear Carla,

I know this may seem petty but my neighbours always miss our trash days which means their bags sit out for three days before the next scheduled collection date. By time it rolls around cats and dogs have torn holes in bags and trash ends up in street. And what angers me more is that they don't put the trash outside their house; they place it across the street near another neighbour's home. I think this is so unfair and selfish. I said the next time they do it I'm going to approach them. My husband says I should mind my business. What you think?


Dear Trashy,

This may annoy your husband but I think you should say something to them. And if it continues I would take their trash and put it in their yard. You may lose the friendship of a neighbour over it but hopefully they'll catch on and their actions will stop.

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Published March 10, 2014 at 9:00 am (Updated March 09, 2014 at 9:18 pm)

Help! My girlfriend drinks too much

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